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Another endless week has passed since Kei left, and while I felt the longing for Mikey growing more and more intense.
I sit trapped on the couch, snuggled up in the blanket, staring at the TV without really seeing what's happening. I haven't been outside since my best friend's painful departure, and my life seems to be confined to this couch and my bed. Luckily, it's still school vacation, which saves me the agony of having to attend school.

The creaking of the front door pulls me out of my thoughts and I take a quick glance into the hallway, although I know it can only be my brother. He enters the living room, accompanied by Emma, and throws himself onto the couch, annoyed. Only at second glance do I notice that he is injured - a cut on his lip and a swollen blue eye.
I draw my eyebrows together skeptically and look at him worriedly. "What's happened to you?" I ask quietly. Emma hurriedly disappears into the bathroom, only to return with a first aid kit. My brother sighs and replies angrily: "Mikey that bastard. His mood at the moment is really getting on my nerves." Emma sits silently next to him, but her gaze wanders briefly to me before she starts to tend to my brother's injuries.
I don't know how to react, even though I feel sorry for my brother. It would be arrogant of me to think that Mikey is exhibiting this aggressive behavior because of our breakup. He can't have been so in love that such a reaction would come about, so it must be something else.

Finally, I get up and say quietly, "I'll leave you two alone," and go to my room. But I don't stay alone for long, because there's a knock on my door and Emma comes in and closes the door behind her.
"Please talk to him," she immediately breaks the silence. "He's been a disaster since you broke up. I don't want to know why you broke up. But actually, I do want to know..." she mumbles and then looks at me pleadingly. "But he's been slipping since then and I'm afraid he'll relapse. So please, Meiyo, talk to him. I'm sure he'll listen to you," she begs me.
And that phrase pops up again: "that he will relapse". The same phrase Kenny said to me a few days ago. And in my head it connects with what he didn't want to tell me, with what nobody wanted to tell me - not even my best friend.
"I don't know," I mumble, setting aside my cell phone, which I've been holding in my hand the whole time. "What Mikey did to Draken is just the beginning, and... It can't get any worse. He's already beaten up others, hospitalized them, and broken numerous bones just to vent his frustrations," she tells me, coming up to me and kneeling in front of me. "Even if you're scared, I'm just absolutely sure he'll listen to you," she continues calmly, taking my hands in hers. "Please," she adds.

"Emma!" my brother's voice echoes through the apartment. Emma immediately lets go of my hands and stands up. "He could be in the BlackOut. I'm going to keep Draken here. Please go," she pleads urgently and full of worry. Then she leaves my room with one last worried look.
I thought about Emma's words. Should I really go? I couldn't really care - I shouldn't care about him. I bite my lip thoughtfully and hesitate. My hand reaches for my cell phone and the screen lights up. 10:17 pm.
The minutes that pass feel like an eternity, even though only five minutes have passed. Every second that passes is agony. "Impossible," I whisper to myself. I get up, go to the wardrobe and look for a sweater. I change out of my jogging bottoms as I've been wearing them for almost a week and always put them on after showering.

I walk into the living room and look at the two of them on the couch. "I..." I begin quietly, my words brittle, and swallow hard. It's hard to say it, and I'm afraid of my brother's reaction. After all, the last reaction hadn't been particularly good. "I'm going out. I finally finish my sentence. But before anyone can say anything, I almost flee the apartment.
I don't know where the place Emma is talking about is, but I just assume it's the club Mikey took me to that one time. It takes me a while to get there and I remember the way frighteningly well. After more than half an hour, I'm finally standing in front of the club with the glowing sign "BlackOut". I swallow hard as I hear the music blaring from inside.

It feels like I've been standing in line for ages before I finally enter the club. The music seems louder and the crowd denser than last time. I push my way through the people, trying to look around, but the jostling of others against me makes it very difficult. Nevertheless, I try to keep an eye out for Mikey, searching the area for the blonde hair that I love so much.

As I search the club an estimated three times, even storming the men's room, I gradually give up on actually finding him here. The club is buzzing with people, the music is deafening and the room shimmers with bright lights. Beads of sweat are running down my forehead, and I certainly wouldn't last long sober here. It was far too hot in here and the loud music was already giving me a headache.
Just as I lose myself in the crowd, I feel a light touch on my shoulder, followed by a voice fighting against the noise: "You're Mikey's little girlfriend, aren't you?" I turn to the speaker, and there he is - the guy I saw the last time I was here. I can't remember his name, but his face looks familiar. So I nod slightly. "You don't remember me, do you? I'm Sanzu," he helps me out.
"Do you know where Mikey is?" I ask directly, and my words are almost drowned out by the noise. He nods and waves me along. "He's upstairs, come with me."
At that moment, I remember the second floor, which I had completely forgotten about. I follow Sanzu up the stairs and suddenly my heart starts to pound wildly at the thought of seeing him again. It feels like it's been two years, although in reality it's only been two weeks.

We reach the upper floor and Sanzu leads me to the same room as last time, and I remember that there was this area. Here the atmosphere is quieter, the music more subdued and more pleasant to the ears.
"Yo Mikey, here's a visitor for you," Sanzu calls out loudly, walking up to Mikey who is sitting on a circular couch. Mikey turns first to Sanzu, then to me. When our eyes meet, my heart seems to stop for a moment. His gaze is different - colder. His face is covered in scratches and wounds, and dark circles run under his eyes. When he looks at me, he narrows his eyes briefly, but then suddenly widens them and almost jumps up from the couch to walk towards me.

It seems as if he has only just realized what he is doing. He stops a few steps in front of me and then looks away.
I swallow hard and avert my eyes too, because I'm just as uncomfortable. What was I thinking, showing up here without knowing what to say? But my body seems to react on its own, because I take his hand and pull him after me, all the way outside. Even there, I don't let go of his hand and just pull him further and further away from this club, and he lets himself be pulled along without comment.

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