ENG - My best friend's sister ᵐᶦᵏᵉʸ ˣ ᵒᶜ

97

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Meiyo POV

I wake up in hospital and my eyes only slowly adjust to the sterile light. My body feels heavy, as if it has been asleep for an eternity. Confused and disoriented, I try to gather my thoughts.
With a heavy heart, I let my gaze wander through the clinically white hospital room. The room is quiet, only the soft hum of the medical equipment can be heard. The memory of what has happened slowly returns to my mind. Time seems to stand still as I curl up in my hospital bed, my hands clenching. The despicable bastard who hurt me, and then... I shake my head quickly to dismiss the thought, but I can't. The anger, the sadness, the fear - all these feelings come crashing down on me like an avalanche.

My fingers claw at the sheets as I desperately try to suppress the memories. But I can't stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks. The tears on my skin remind me of the cruelty of that moment.
How could it have come to this?
Did I do something wrong?
Could I have done something differently?
But there are no answers and I can't find an explanation for the cruelty that happened to me. The only answer that comes to mind and that I don't want to admit is that it's Mikey's fault.

[...]

More hours pass, like an endless nightmare that seems to have no beginning and no end. The doctors have given me a thorough examination and decided that I need to spend a few more days in hospital to make sure everything is okay.
In the meantime, my brother and Mikey are also back in the room. I can't look at them, although I am aware that they have done everything in their power to get me out of this terrible nightmare.
Although I am infinitely grateful to them, I cannot ignore my suppressed anger. They are the reason why I got into this horrible situation in the first place. I can hear them trying to talk to me and address me, but I don't respond. Every touch from them makes me shiver, my muscles tense with fear that something terrible could happen again. Rationally, I know it's unlikely, but my body reacts differently.

Another doctor enters the room to examine me. Even with his gentle touch, my body flinches in fright. The routine checks are unpleasant, but I know they are necessary.
I hear my brother's worried voice asking the doctor, "Doctor, is it normal that she doesn't speak or flinches so much when he touches her?"
The doctor sighs as he patiently answers: "Your sister has suffered a severe shock and is deeply traumatized. That's completely normal. She needs to process it first. Give her time." My brother asks more questions, but I tune them out and stare out of the window. The world outside seems so far away and unreal, as if it exists in another universe.

[...]

The days go by and my mind is constantly racing back and forth as I think about what to do next.
Back at home, I crawl into my room and only come out to go to the kitchen or the bathroom. I don't go outside anymore, let alone to school, I'm just scared.
My brother, Mikey, Emma and Hina make every effort to be there for me. Even my supposed mother, who has taken up residence here, tries to get through to me. But I barricade myself behind my locked door and don't let anyone in. So I remain in my self-imposed isolation for about two endless weeks.

I hear the front doorbell ring, another visitor who is probably worried about me. They've also informed Keikei, who is desperately trying to reach me and sending countless messages, but I don't want any contact even with him. He belongs to them and I don't want to have anything more to do with them - ever again.
The longer I stay in my room and let my tears run free, the more I realize where the root of all my torment lies. It's not all Mikey's fault, it's the fact that he's part of a dangerous gang. If I hadn't met Mikey, this might have happened to me anyway, because my brother is also part of that gang. Same with Keikei.

The darkness in my room reflects the darkness in my soul. I sit there, plagued by guilt and self-reproach, while my thoughts circle incessantly around what happened.
I have always had my reasons to stay away from them, until I blindly let myself get involved with them out of love and naivety. Now I have to bear the painful consequences.
It's my own fault.
I got involved with him even after I learned the truth.


Mikey POV

I see her leave her room and quietly disappear into the bathroom. This is my chance to finally talk to her and I go into her room to wait for her. When she comes back and notices me, her eyes widen in shock and her first impulse is to turn around and flee to the bathroom again. But I am quicker and gently grab her arms to stop her. The door slams shut behind her with a barely audible click and I gently pull her into my arms.
Her eyes speak volumes as she looks at me in shock and her panicked voice whispers softly, "Let go of me." But even in her quiet words, the desperation is palpable and she is trembling all over. Tears stream from her eyes and she desperately tries to break away from me.

I give in and let her go. She immediately sinks to the floor and covers her ears as she begs again and again: "Get away from me." I slowly kneel down next to her and gently take her trembling hands in mine. She flinches violently and pulls her hands away.
Her eyes are filled with fear and her tears seem unending. The look in her eyes makes my heart tear up for the thousandth time and I feel helpless. With extreme caution, I try to touch her hands again, but she jumps up and presses herself against the nearest wall. Her voice sounds weak as she whispers, "Don't touch me." Her words are even weaker than before, almost broken. "I don't want to see you or be touched by you," she adds even more weakly. "Just go."

When she says these words, my heart stops. I realize once again that I am responsible for this situation. My heart becomes heavy and my eyes burn, as they have so often done recently.
I quietly say, "Okay," and leave the room. I stop in the living room where Emma and Kenchin are sitting. I stare blankly at the two of them, who look at me sympathetically. I know I'm the reason she's feeling this way now, avoiding contact with her brother, her friends and me too.
What if the next time Kenchin dies because of me, like it almost did last time?
What if it happens to Emma next time?
I hurt everyone I care about and bring them the bad.

I am the problem.

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