The ballad of Akir James

Twenty-One |1|

AFTER ENDING THE CALL with Ronen. I slide my Phone on my desk, deciding to take a shower. It's been a week and three days and my personal space seems so lonely and different without him. I was dreading this moment, the moment when I want him close because with him close I don't think about T.

I don't think about that night.

I don't think about how he hurts me or how everything is different because of that one night. I don't think about how facing him now without anyone around is making it hard to breathe, Or what will be said or done because suddenly I just want to disappear and leave it all behind. I should be strong and face it all but how can I? Aren't I allowed to be sad?

Stepping into the shower, I closed the curtain and drenched myself. Allowing the water to drench my heavy thoughts. The sound of my phone ringing echoes into the bathroom but I decided not to pick it up. Lately, I don't find the strength to answer my phone. I keep my phone loud hoping that I'll hear when Olan call.

He doesn't text or call but he still hangs out with Torando and Charles with Neril tagging along because now they are officially a couple. I learned it from Neril who was over the moon pounding at my door at 2 am waking Seth up who wasn't happy because we had a rough day. He just congratulates her and dives back into bed slamming the door annoyed but I know he was only upset because Neril woke up Venzi in the process who didn't come out. After all, Venzi isn't into anyone knowing about him and Seth. He was out if it's just me around them but otherwise, he's just secretive about his personal life.

Their relationship reminds me a little of When Torando and I started being in a relationship but minus the female and homophobic slander. Venzi is the green flag of Tornado. I admire the fact that he still puts effort into assuring Seth that he's into them even when they are in public, The tiny caresses and mindless bumps against each other just make me smile and feel jealous of them. I fully soap myself and finish washing up.

After drying off and sitting on my bed in just my underwear Seth stormed in dressed in Jeans and shirtless holding two shirts on separate hangers, his hair freshly rope twisted and his face groomed.

"Fashion Help!" He cried out standing in front of my dresser holding up a white T-Shirt and a Gray T-Shirt with Sparkle abstract on the front.

"The White, the Gray is too sparkly," I answered. "But I like the Gray," he pouted holding up the Grey Shirt.

"Wear it next time. Don't want Venzi thinking it's too girly and end your date night before it even started." I told him because I know how guys like Venzi scrutinize every detail when it comes to dating another guy especially when it's a Public date.

"True," he hangs the shirt on the handle of my dresser, tugging the white Shirt off its hanger and tugging it on, carefully at the head not to pull up his hair.

"You good?" I hear him ask, turning to face me. "Yeah, what do you mean?" I asked holding my tablet.

"You seem different-" he replied. "At first I thought it was because Ronen is not here but you talk to him every day. You're all happy when he's on the phone but after you slide into this mood." He says sitting on my bed.

"I am fine," I told him.

"It's okay to miss him you know." He says.

"I think Ronen is the one missing me more." I smile.

"I am not talking about Ro," he says, I look up at him. I watched him pull my nightstand drawer out and take out the small frame Photo of Torando and me. I went quiet taking the Photo from him and sliding it back into the drawer. Seth sighs, getting off the bed.