Secret Love (Carisi/Rollins Fanfiction)

Chapter 21

Amanda sits in Sonny's apartment, watching him pack everything into boxes.
"Are you sure you want to leave?" She asks for what seems like the hundredth time today.
"Manhattan has given me too many bad memories. It's time to go back to where I feel happiest, with my friends and family."
"We are your family. Your Manhattan Special Victims Unit family." He sits on the couch next to her with a full box underneath his feet.
"You can't leave." He looks up at her, stroking her cheeks.
"This is what's best for us both, Amanda. If it wasn't what was best, I wouldn't have chosen to leave."
"B-but I need you. Especially right now when I'm vulnerable." She stutters.
"No you don't. You have the squad, and Frannie."
"As much as I love them, they'll never compare to you."
"Nobody will notice my absence."
"I will." She says. He puts his hands on her cheeks.
"I'll miss you. I really will. But I'm looking for my old lifestyle." He pulls her into a big embrace. She's held herself together for so long, but now she releases all of the tears built up inside of her.
"I can't live without you."
"Yes you can, Amanda. Be who you were before you were assaulted. Scared of affection and someone caring about you." She sighs.
"Fine." She backs up away from him. She stands up as the couch is lifted out.
"All empty." She watches out the window as they put a 'For Sale' sign on his lawn, with a moving truck in front of it.
"I'll help you." She picks up two boxes and walks out the door to put them in the truck. The door is shut and locked.
"Sonny, wait." Amanda hollers to him before he gets in the car. She sees his hopeful eyes.
"Never mind. Have fun going back to Staten Island." He smiles and drives off, being followed by the moving truck. She dials her phone.
"Liv, I'll be at work tomorrow." Amanda nods and drives herself home. She arrives at her house, and gets angry.
"How did I let him leave?!" She sits down on the couch. Tears start to spill down her cheeks, and she lies down. She starts to get tired, so she falls asleep.

The next morning, Amanda sits at her desk at work, looking at a pile of papers with her hands in her hair. She's trying everything she can to get her mind off of Sonny.
"Rollins," she looks up to see Liv standing at the doorway to her office.
"Come talk with me." She stands up, sniffing back her tears.
"Take a seat." She sits down, keeping her eyes on her lap. Liv sits in a chair next to her.
"Listen. I know it's hard saying goodbye to someone you love."
"I'm not upset."
"Rollins, look at you. Your face has sadness written all over it." She brings Amanda's chin up with two fingers. "The droopy and red eyes, the scowl on your face."
"Sorry. I'll stop letting my personal problems get in the way of work. She stands up and turns to walk out.
"Sit down, Amanda." She turns to face Olivia.
"Y-you've never called me Amanda before-"
"I'm trying to show you that this conversation isn't about work. She sits down.
"I know it can be hard saying goodbye to someone you love. I would know." Amanda swallows back tears. "But he had a good reason. And you both will end up together very soon. Amanda attempts to smile.
"Thanks, Sarge." Liv smiles and stands up, cuing for Amanda to do the same. She turns to walk out the door.
"Amanda, one more thing." She faces Olivia once again. "Come here." Olivia tightly hugs Amanda.
"You'll be able to fight through this like the strong woman that you are."