Secret Love (Carisi/Rollins Fanfiction)

Chapter 39

"Sonny is in a coma. We don't know when or if he'll wake up. It's very unlikely he'll wake up." Amanda closes her eyes and Barba gently comforts her.
"Sorry. I know it's hard." He whispers to Amanda. The doctor opens the door.
"Go ahead and sit with him." Barba releases her and she's alone in the room with Sonny. She sees him lying there, all the energy drained out of his body. She sits next to him.
"I don't know if you can hear me or not. But I'm sorry I screwed up so badly. I was being selfish." She leans her head down.
"Sonny, please, I need you." She stands up to stroke his cheeks, tears rolling down hers. She feels the touch of her lips against his cheek as she delicately kisses him. She remembers back to New York when he proposed to her.
"Amanda. I know your life has been tough. You told me I'm your only clarity once. And I'm glad to forever be your clarity, even though we've had a fight or two. I love you, and I want you to be mine forever." He kneels down and pulls a box out of his pocket.
"Amanda Rollins, will you marry me?" She looks down at him.
"Sonny," she says, taking his cold and lifeless hand. "I want you to know, if you can even hear me, after giving it some thought, I'll marry you. If you wake up, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. We can help each other and be there to comfort one another. I know I made a mistake by saying no-" tears roll down her cheeks again.
"They said there's a small chance of you waking up. I know you will though. Don't prove me wrong. Be the strong Sonny I know at least once more." She sighs and gives up. She sees his clothes lying on a chair next to them. She pulls the two rings out of his pocket. She puts one on her finger, and the other on his.
"Now you know it's official." The rest of the squad walks in.
"We heard what happened." Liv says. She nods and looks at Sonny's heart beating abnormally.
"I know he's in there." They all walk over.
"Come on, we know that you're hearing us." Liv says to him. Amanda gently touches the wrapped up bullet wound on his forehead.
"Liv, Nick, Fin, I want to talk to Amanda." Barba says, going to sit down next to her. They leave.
"We can make a case about your sergeant."
"We don't need to. I don't want to get involved with him anymore." He nods.
"Thanks for actually being there for me through all of this. Nobody else really has." Amanda says.
"Although most lawyers aren't trustworthy, you can trust me." Amanda chuckles.
"I should go now. Good luck." She smiles at Barba and he walks out the door. She holds his hand again and looks out the window, the sky getting dark.
"Sonny, please. I've never needed you more than right now. I was just thinking of myself and I didn't know this would happen. If we hadn't have come back to Georgia, this wouldn't have happened. And now I'm fearing for your life." She starts to cry again.
"I need you, please, just wake up." The heart rate monitor stops suddenly. A doctor rushes in and checks his vitals. Amanda starts to hyperventilate.
"No, no, come back to us." She let's go of Sonny's hand and runs out the door, stopping to control the wave of nausea coming over her. She sits against a wall, tears blurring her vision. She puts her head in between her knees. Her heart aches remembering the first time they kissed accidentally. And she found herself flying head-over-heels. She had no idea it would end in her being here, wishing and hoping that he'll be okay. Someone approaches her.
"Amanda?"
"Yes?" She looks up.
"More bad news. We believe that he might have passed away, but doctors are working rapidly to save him. He's not all the way brain-dead yet, but the chance of him surviving this is slim. I'd go home and get some rest." She walks back and peeks through the door at doctors crowded around him. She looks the ring she's wearing
"Sonny, I know you can survive this. Do it for me so we can happily marry." She stops and realizes she's talking to herself. She looks back into the room, and slowly lets herself forget about him.
"We never dated. We never fell in love or had ups and downs." She takes one last look at him, and walks out the doors.