Sleep claws at Amanda's eyes as she looks between the bars of the small jail cell she's in. She adjusts the collar of her new uniform. She sits down depressingly on her hard bed. An officer unlocks her cell.
"Come with me. Your DA wants to talk to you." She feels a rush of excitement, and is put in handcuffs and walked out to the recreational area, where she sees Barba sitting. She sits down in a chair and they attach her handcuffs to the chair. Barba waits until the guard is gone until he starts questioning her.
"What were you thinking?" She feels a pit of guilt forming in her stomach.
"I wanted to get home, Barba. I was lost in the streets of New York, and you know how scary that can be." She barks at him.
"So you had to sell your antidepressants? Are you clinically depressed?"
"No, I just have really bad PTSD, which is why I sold some of the pills to get back to Manhattan. The dark streets and people were reminding me of my assault." He takes a seat.
"That can help us in court." She watches him write something in a folder. She links her fingers together in fear of facing the jury and the squad.
"Your court date is tomorrow at 10." He gets up to leave.
"Barba?-" She says suddenly.
"Yes?"
"How do I get over the nervousness of going to court?" He sits down again.
"That's a question I get asked a lot." Tears threaten to roll down her cheeks. "Amanda, if you are really innocent-"
"I'm not. I sold the drugs."
"But it was for a good reason." She shuts up.
"If you just tell the truth, the jury just might rule in your favor."
"But what about facing the squad?"
"Many people to stand on trial fear seeing those they love. It may take awhile, but they'll eventually forgive and forget. Most of them don't know you're suffering from PTSD anyway." She nods. The guards come to take her back to her cell.
"Hey, Amanda." She looks back at him.
"Stay strong, amor." She smiles as she overhears Barba talking to the guard controlling her.
"Be a little bit more careful with her. She's a sexual assault victim who has a bit of PTSD." The guard nods and brings her back to her cell. Her handcuffs are taken off and she's thrown into her cell. She tries to fight through nostalgia of her assault, but fails and falls onto her bed, shaking and crying, thinking she's in the arms of the perp, about to get hurt once again.
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Secret Love (Carisi/Rollins Fanfiction)
FanfictionSonny Carisi and Amanda Rollins have worked in SVU for multiple years together. But one day, after they're put on a case together, they feel an odd connection. This is their story.
