Secret Love (Carisi/Rollins Fanfiction)

Chapter 48

Amanda sits back at her apartment, not wanting to attend the trial. Her phone rings.
"Hi Sarge."
"Amanda, we need you here."
"I don't want to come."
"Why?" The spitting image of her old sergeant ripping her clothes open and cutting her runs through her head. She rolls her sleeve down.
"I- I don't want to know what the verdict is. That's it."
"Can you come at recess at least?" Amanda sighs and cautiously agrees.
"Fine. I'll be there for final verdict." She hangs up the phone, and slowly walks to the bathroom. She looks herself up and down, seeing her sunken face and marks along her arms.
"I never should have lied to Liv, or Sonny about anything." She says, once again looking up at herself.
"I lied about being okay! I lied about not wanting to hear the verdict! I lied about ever loving Sonny-" she looks at her reflection, seeming to be talking back at her.
You lied Amanda. You lied to Sonny, Liv, and Barba. But worst of all, Amanda, you lied to yourself." She inhales and punches through the mirror.
"I'm sorry I lied, I know! I know-" she falls to the ground in a heap of tears, and hears a knock on the door in the other room. She walks out dazedly, opening it to see Liv.
"Rollins, I've been trying to call you for the past ten minutes."
"Sorry." She claims, walking to the kitchen to get a towel.
"What were you doing?" She questions  Amanda, noticing the shards of glass and the bloody towel she's holding.
"My mirror broke. I had to clean it up-"
"Final verdict is in fifteen minutes, let's go." She nods.
"Just give me one minute." She walks back to the bathroom, stepping over broken shards of glass. She pulls a bandage from the drawer and puts it on. She glares at herself in the mirror.
"Okay. You won this time. But never again." She whispers, walking back out and smiling at Liv as she follows her out. They arrive at the courthouse, with everyone waiting patiently in the courtroom for Amanda and Liv to show up. They sit down quietly.
"We find the defendant District Attorney Rafael Barba... Not guilty." Amanda releases her breath.
"We find the defendant Atlanta Special Victims Unit sergeant... Not guilty." Amanda throws her head back in shame.
"We find the defendant Detective Sonny Carisi of Manhattan Special Victims Unit... Guilty." Amanda's head starts to pound. She stands up.
"You told me you would never lie to me, Sonny." She shouts to him. "You fucking lied to me! I trusted you."
"Amanda, I-" she's pulled back down to her seat by Liv.
"Now that we're being truthful, Sonny, I never actually LOVED you! I always kept you around for my own sanity!" She starts crying and approaches the courtroom doors.
"Maybe your worries of me having an affair with Barba were true.. But you'd never know, especially now that you're going to jail. I won't miss you." She screams, running out the courtroom doors into the cold air of Manhattan.