You Light Up My Life

Kim Kibum

Kim Kibum is the name that I can never ever forget. I used to remember every single day when I am with him. Kibum and I met since he was just a fetus in his mother's womb and I'm already one year old. Our parents were the closest friends that you could ever imagine. My mother and Kibum's mother were bestfriends as well as our fathers. 

Even though I'm one year older than Kibum, I still manage to treat him same as my age. I didn't allow him to call me hyung but I suggested to him to call me informally as Jonghyun. I remember the times when we played in our backyard with my older sister and we eventually shared each other's toys. I never treat Kibum bad and I don't ever want him to be hurt. I don't want to see him cry that's why I let him do whatever he wants to do with my toys. Even if he asked me to have some of my toys, I'll give it to him. I'll even buy him new one if he really wants to have a new toy. I still can remember when he cried in front of me when someone grabbed his toys without permission and hurt him. I knocked out the boy who hurt Kibum. Even though I was sent to the principal the other day, I still don't care as long as I protect Kibum from any harm. 

I treat Kibum like a fragile thing that cannot be touched by anyone. No one dared to hurt Kibum when I'm around him. He always cling to my arms whenever someone touched him or nearly hit him. Kibum was easily bullied because of his weak body and feminine features. He sometimes being mistaken as gay. 

People cannot understand why Key is like that. Key's just so feminine but he told me that he really like girls. He told me some of his secrets. He told me that he has a crush on our neighbor who named Krystal. He even asked her if she wants to hang out with him. I laughed at his cuteness when he's blushing whenever he talks about that girl. Unfortunately, when he asked, Krystal just didn't accept his offer. I just discovered his first broken heart. I just told him that there are many girls that deserve him. Many people are just waiting for him but he's not still aware of it. Kibum certainly got his hopes up and never gave up but he told me that he doesn't want to enter a relationship since he was just only.. ten years old. 

Everyday, every night, I always think about Kibum. How is he now? What is he doing? Does he gained a lot of friends? I never skipped a day to think and pray about Kibum's health. I always prayed to God that he'll wake up tomorrow with a big smile on his face or sometimes, I prayed to Him that he'll get a high scores in his exams or I hope that everybody will treat him right and he's not harmed. 

Ever since the day that Kibum left me to go to New York since his family is moving in, I felt the loneliness inside of me. I promised Kibum that I will never ever leave his side. I told him that if he gets lonely, just look up the sky during night and look for the morning star which signifies my existence. We cried when we said our goodbyes. He kissed my cheeks and I hugged him tight. I hugged him like I don't want to leave him. I don't want to lose him. 

We made each other our promises and until now, I'm still looking forward to that promise. I promised him that I will go after him when I saved up some money and he promised me that he'll wait for me whatever happens. 

After fourteen years that I had spent without him, I am ready. I'm ready to do the promise. I'm ready to see him, hold him, touch him, feel him. I'm ready. I'm ready to tell him... That I love him.