You Light Up My Life

Tell Me

I went outside of the room. Slowly putting my coat and my shoes, I felt my heart being ripped when I heard Jinki's cries. Am I that selfish? I don't want him to suffer but what I'm doing to him is truly suffering him. My mind and my conscience are now having debate. Will I go back to my room and be with Jinki or will I follow my heart? 

I can't think straight. I went to the balcony and looked up the stars. There, I saw the morning star. The star that Jonghyun told me to look at whenever I'm lonely. Whenever I need him. Now that he existed in front of me, I pushed him away. 

"I love you Kibum." The words that made me realize how stupid I am. Why did I pushed him away? He confessed right? He even kissed me to prove that he's not lying. He did what he had promised to you. What about you, Kibum? Did you do something? Did you even tell him what you truly feels? Did you even wait for him? Yes, I waited for him but... I didn't trust him. 

How about Jinki? What would you do? Did you even thought of his feelings? Did you even understand his situation? He suffered a lot and you'll just leave him alone? Ugh! These questions made me feel how douchebag I am. You even made these rebellion stuff to your parents just because you have these organs. You felt disgusted with yourself and you blamed them. How evil are you? 

I need to do this. I need to fix these problems and the only thing that I need to do is.. to find him. I finally went outside the house. Where is he? Where he could have been? Is he lost or something? Maybe, he's just thinking. Thinking of some ways to forget me. I went to the park and saw two people hugging. I walked closer to the couple and was surprised when I saw Jonghyun and Taemin. They knew each other? 

"Jonghyun? Taemin?" I called them and they parted. They widen their eyes. "Key Umma!" Taemin called back. "What's going on here?" I asked him and he bowed his head. "Kibum.." Finally, Jonghyun spoke. I shifted my eyes on him and I saw his beautiful shining eyes. They're perfect. "I'm sorry." Jonghyun said and his beautiful eyes formed wet substances. I felt guilty about what I had done to him. I made him cry even though it's my fault. I didn't trust him, right? 

I finally gave in. I hugged him. His head on my shoulders, feeling his tears falling down to my neck. He hugged back and felt his warmth. The warmth that I've been waiting for the whole time. This warmth with full of guilt. The warmth with full of love. Taemin lifted his head and smiled. He walked back again to the swing and that made us back to the reality. We parted and I saw his confused slash shocked eyes. I giggled at his cuteness and pinched his cheeks. He's really cute though. 

"I'm sorry, Jonghyun..." I managed to say. "... and I love you." I continued. I kissed his parted lips and he kissed back feeling the tastes of each other. Those sweet tastes that made this kiss very addictive and additional to that is the warm feeling that we can feel from the cold and breezy air that surrounds us. We parted as we felt the lack of oxygen. 

*ehem* Taemin faked his cough. I felt my hot cheeks as I realized that Taemin had been watching us. "You know, if you want to make up with each other.. I just need to leave you two." He said and we nodded. "Bye, Taemin. Thanks for the time." Jonghyun waved his hands while I held Taemin's. "You better explain everything to me tomorrow, young man." I whispered to him and he gulped. He smiled and finally, he nodded.

Now that we're alone here in this cold place, we need to clear things up. We need to talk everything that made us reach this undeniable guilt. "So..." Both of us said at the same time. "You first.." Jonghyun offered and I asked him. "Tell me..." "Tell me, what?" He asked and I felt him being tensed. I'm also tensed since this is the first time that we will talk in the proper way after fourteen years. "Do you really love me?"