Cross My Heart // Harry Styles

19

HARRY'S POV:

Gwen had really been through a lot today. I could see the exhaustion in her eyes for the past few hours. But she never complained. She just kept up with Meem, and went about the motions like she was supposed to. I'm sure she was used to it, really....but she had been laid out for a while, so I'm sure she was extra tired now, with her entire body having used every ounce of energy to heal itself in the past month. And she must be tired from walking on that boot...doesn't that hurt her leg?

I'd almost kissed her earlier. I don't know what came over me. She looked at me with her big sad doe eyes, and her tears were so perfectly tear shaped as they rolled down her cheeks....and when I pushed them away, she got chills. She said it was because she liked my touch. And hearing that just made something snap inside of me. I knew she liked my hugs and all....but how did she like my touch? Just being touched in a NICE way from another human for once? Or because my touch...DID 'something' to her inside, like her touch did to me? I didn't know. But it intrigued me, and shocked me for a second, and I ended up staring at her lips, remembering how GOOD they'd felt in the past. And I wanted soooo badly to feel them against mine again. My breath was getting heavy, and I had to control myself.

I didn't want to kiss her. She didn't need any complications anyway. I couldn't be selfish here. Acting the wrong way could ruin everything for her. Make her adjusting to life slower......yes. Hands off, Haz. Don't be a selfish pig. Yes, she felt better than any other girl you've ever touched. But NO, she's your friend. And you're being one to her. And you can't mess it up for her. Dammit!! Sometimes I tell you, I hate being a man. We're all pigs. Even when we mean well.

I laid here on the floor while Gwen took a nap in her bed, for quite some time. Jodi had come up and asked what we were doing all this time. When I told her she needed some words of encouragement and then she fell asleep in my arms, she held her hand over her heart and made an "awww" face. She said since I was on the floor I could stay, until she woke up, but that they don't encourage boyfriends here because the girls need to get to know themselves to recover from whatever they'd gone through. But it's also not against the rules. They are all legal adults.

I dozed in and out, but most of the time, I watched Gwen sleep up on her bed. She was on her side, facing me, and her eyes looked so peaceful now. I'd never seen them like that. I'd always seen a crinkled line between her eyes, from the stress of living her life.

I loved when she'd take a deeper breath in, and her nose would give a little snort. She was so cute when she slept in peacefulness. I thought I liked Gwen before. The new Gwen was even more...enchanting to watch.

Enchanting? Did I just use that term to describe Gwen??

Sh.it.

It was really getting hard to push my feelings aside now. I had tried for a while now, to tell myself she's just pretty. She's just needy. She's just nice. There's nothing there. It's just a crush, even, is what I settled on the other day.

But it was feeling more and more like...I couldn't stop the feelings.

But I HAD to.

I had to keep them at bay and ignore them. It was getting harder now though.

Fvvvvvvvvck.

Keep your sh.it together Haz.

As I lay staring at the ceiling, using a small stack of new clothes from the dresser as a pillow, I heard Gwen waking up.

I looked over at her quietly until she noticed me. Her eyes widened and she lifted her head.

"You stayed here! What time is it? It's dark out! Are you allowed here this late?" she asked.