Cross My Heart // Harry Styles

23

GWEN'S POV:

I intended to go downstairs and hang out by the office and listen to hear what Jodi and Meem said or asked about my meltdown. I hoped Harry could make up enough other stuff so they wouldn't know what we did after Harry made me feel better by humming to me and rocking me in his arms as he always does.

I love that. I truly do. It's the best feeling. I was pretty gone. I really was. I would have snapped out of it much quicker for him because he was probably feeling really scared for me...but it finally worked when I let myself open up again and feel.

I feel so safe and secure and cared for when he holds me and rocks me. Like a mom would take care of her baby.....well, MOST moms, anyway.

MY mom didn't take care of me. She didn't want me. Didn't love me.

I wonder if I'll ever know what love feels like. I mean, I feel like I might love Harry. But...do I? How do you know if you love someone if you don't know what love is?

And even if it IS love I feel for him...he doesn't love me back, so I'll still never know what it feels like to be loved.

But I like to pretend, when Harry holds me like that, that THIS is what love feels like. And if it's anything like that....I hope I can feel it someday for real.

Problem is, I only want to feel it with Harry. I can't picture wanting to love anyone else. Ever.

Sigh.

Harry was right to warn me about my new life. It's definitely not easy.

I ended up dozing in and out on my bed, waiting for Harry to come back upstairs.

I didn't even know what time it was or what I was supposed to be doing right now or what the other girls were doing. I didn't care, either. Bunch of meanies.

The only one who was nice to me was Mirabella. But I was sure she'd join the rest of the meanies any second now.

I heard Harry come up the stairs. His footsteps sounded different than the girls'. His were heavier and slower and louder, even on the carpet.

It was taking him forever to get to my room. Where'd he go? I got up and felt sort of dizzy. I needed to eat, I think.

I looked into the hallway. No Harry.

I went out and walked to the stairs. I was about to go down, when I heard his voice coming from one of the rooms nearby.

I listened to try and figure out which one.

I went towards Jackie's room cause it sounded like from there. But her door was mostly closed.

I got to the door and I heard her talking.

"Thanks for opening it. It was stuck. Sometimes things just need a man's touch, ya know?" Jackie said.

"I suppose", Harry said.

"I bet sometimes you need a woman's touch, don't you?" Jackie asked him in an overly girly voice. What the....?

"Uh....no, I'm good", Harry said, sounding awkward.

"You don't need to be touched by a woman? I bet you do. If Gwen's not gonna do it, I'm sure you could easily find someone who would. Like....ME, for example! I'd touch you. I'd touch you allllll over...like here....and he..." I heard a thud and Jackie stopped talking.

The door burst open, and Harry almost bumped into me standing there.

He looked at me with complete fear in his widened eyes, reached out, took my hand, and pulled me quickly into my room across the hall. He shut the door and locked it, and pulled me to the bed.