Cross My Heart // Harry Styles

48

Another week later...

LOUIS'S POV:

Today was the big day! Harry was going home!!!!! I was so excited, and if I was this excited, you should have seen Gwen! I don't think the smile left her face for a second today.

It was bitter sweet for me, though. I mean...I was happy Harry was going home and things could go back to normal for them both. And things could go back to normal for me too. But when I checked in at work, they said they'd had to hire someone else to replace me a few weeks in. So now I was jobless. That fvcking sucked, and was weighing on my mind heavily for the past few weeks. I could have left the hospital every day to look for a new job, but...I just wanted to be there with Harry and Gwen.

I don't know....I'd gotten so used to being around them, I didn't want to stop.

I guess I was just pathetic and lonely, is all. But I liked their company. And even though I had such strong feelings for Gwen, which had only magnified 1000x after all we'd just been through, they made me feel happy when I'd see them together, being happy. And I liked that feeling of happiness, even though it wasn't mine. It was theirs. I guess I just like seeing Harry so damn happy finally. And I like Gwen being happy after such a bad life. I was happy also, that someone in life could actually be THIS stinking happy in love. I'd never seen it so intense before. Not like they were so unusual or anything....but being around them, you can feel the feeling between them. You can see the way they look at each other. How they think of each other in every single situation, in every single moment. They were just....different. It was pretty damn cool, actually.

Man, I needed a girlfriend, obviously.

Paul visited a few weeks ago, and Tabby was no longer in the picture, apparently. He goes through girls like underwear. But he seems to like it that way. He planned to hang out a lot at Harry's flat when they got home, so at least I wouldn't be the 5th wheel...for a week, until Paul found another chick.

Harry always asked me why I didn't just bring one of my two "fvck friends" over to party, so I wouldn't feel awkward. But they were just that. Fvck friends. They had no interest in anything past that. Neither did I. I was good at s.ex, and they appreciated that. They were good at s.ex, and I appreciated that. Sometimes I'd be left with one fvck friend, when one of them would get a boyfriend. But as soon as it didn't work out, they'd show up at my door with mascara running down their face, and condoms. It was perfect how it worked out, really...but it was very.....unfulfilling. I mostly hated that I had stooped to the level of having fvck friends. But....I was young and horny, and it was working out just fine. So what if I'd started picturing Gwen when I was with them in recent months? Sue me.

I just felt weird about having to go home to my own flat, and being alone, basically.

Harry must have already thought of that, because he told me he'd love it if I'd stay at his flat for at least a few days. He made it seem like he wanted me there, so I wouldn't feel like a charity case. But I was pretty sure I knew he trying to be a good friend and not dump me at my doorstep and say "thanks for keeping my girlfriend warm...see ya."

Pathetic or not, I wanted to take him up on his offer. But I declined. I thought maybe I'd be fine once I got back into my own place, and started my life back up again. After all, I was happy with it before, right? I mean, a little lonely sometimes, but...I partied as much as all my other friends. It was all good.

I guess this whole ordeal just....fvcked my mind up a bit. Not to mention having to suddenly NOT have Gwen around me, even against me...in my arms, even, constantly now. God, I'd gotten used to that so easily. God, I'd miss that. I couldn't figure out if I was happy for the time and...."stuff", I'll call it, that I'd gotten with her, or if it was more harmful than good, in the end.