Cross My Heart // Harry Styles

68

GWEN'S POV:

I tried to stay out of the way, but yet...I tried to keep holding Lou's hand. There had been some stuff happening in the ambulance on the way here to the hospital. Lou started to "crash", I heard them use the words. They got the electric thingies ready, while the other person worked on him, injecting stuff into his IV, and whatever else. It was frantic. Code words I didn't know were being thrown back and forth.....the woman had yelled at me to let go of his hand, first thing.

They were just ready to use the electric things, when they must have gotten his heartbeat back or something. I don't even know if it stopped, or what happened. I just knew they were worried they were losing him.

I simply sat there shaking like a leaf, my one hand holding a fist full of hair at the top of my head, pulling at it desperately, and the other hand scraping at my own cheek as my mouth formed the shape of horrible cries, while I allowed no sound to come out, so they could concentrate on him. I didn't want them to even remember I was here. I didn't want them to BLINK, while they tried to get Lou back. I wanted NO distractions.

The only thing I allowed myself to do, was let the tears fall. And they fell like a rain storm. My entire body was shaking.

They had to make him ok again. I'd brought him back....it couldn't have been for nothing. Please no.

Harry knew Louis was alive. I couldn't disappoint him when he got to the hospital. I couldn't be the one to tell him that he died on the way. How would I ever help him with this, if I was just as grief filled as him? He'd want to help me, I bet...but how? We'd have to do it together. Somehow...get over Lou togeth.....NO.

NO. We're NOT going to get over Lou. He's going to be OK.

After they got him stable again, I looked at the woman, and Louis's hand. She pulled it back up for me, and I took it again. I leaned down again to his ear as best as I could reach, and talked to him again.

"Louis...don't leave me again. You're scaring me. Don't do that Lou. You're stronger than that. You can do this. You can stay here....with me. With Harry. You have to, ok? Can you hear me? You HAVE to stay here with us. We need you. You got this Louis. Be strong. How 'bout if you wake up and make it through this, I'll kiss you. I promise. I'll give you a kiss. I'll kiss you like how you'd want to kiss me. I promise, Louis. Just make it through......."

I held his hand until the last possible second, then I got out of the way. They needed to save him, and I trusted that they'd do that. I had to trust them. I had no other choice.

Someone at the emergency room pointed to where I could sit and wait, so I sat.

And I bent over my own lap in my seat and cried.

Soon, I felt an arm slide across my back and start rubbing it. Harry's here.

After a minute or two, he needed to make sure. "He's still....ok, right?"

"Yeah...when I let go of his hand, he was still ok. But crashed on the way once. Whatever that means. I don't know if his heart stopped or what.....they had those electric things ready to go.......but he came back and they didn't have to use them. It was horrible Harry. So horrible. I thought we were gonna lose him this time. I thought everything I did to save him was gonna go to waste. And this time, there was nothing I could do! I just had to sit there and watch them scramble around him, trying everything they possibly could....." I stopped talking for a second, realizing something.

A memory came back to me. "He crashed in the ambulance".

Harry had crashed when he'd gotten shot too.