*fair warning, this chapter is terrible. In my opinion anyway.
*Nicole's POV
I'm not exactly coping with my so called PTSD as well as I'd like. I often have nightmares or flashbacks that lead to little mental breakdowns. The boys do their best to console me when I need it, but sometimes I can't help but feel like I'm bothering or agitating them. So I often try to keep my emotions to myself. But I enjoy a distraction whenever one is offered.
It was the early morning, just before the sun began to rise, and I sat on my bed with my legs crossed Indian style and my back resting against the headboard. I stared at the wall in front of me, blankly. Lately, I've been alright, physically. But emotionally I just feel... everything but nothing at the same time. I don't enjoy things the same way I used to, I'm more skittish, and I just feel kind of numb.
I felt the need to cry, I really wanted to. But no tears came, so I just continued to stare into space while I felt myself break from the inside out. Maybe it was a good thing I didn't start crying. If I had, I might've woken up Luke who laid beside me. He slept peacefully and undisturbed.
I looked over and glanced down at my mate. He laid on his stomach, shirtless, his broad shoulders taking up a good portion of my bed. His right arm hung off the side of the bed, and his sandy blonde hair was undoubtedly a mess. I turned and continued to stare at the wall when I noticed him beginning to stir.
I heard Luke groggily yawn. And out of the corner of my eye I saw him look up at me then to the clock that rested on my nightstand. Luke sat up slowly and turned his body so he was by my side but facing the opposite direction.
"Are you alright?" He asked softly.
I peeled my attention away from the wall only for a moment to look at him. His features held worry and sadness. I turned my attention back towards the wall.
"I'm fine." I replied monotonously.
"You're a bad liar." Luke said sadly.
A pang of guilt hit me hard. I turned to look at his face and tears pricked my eyes. I opened my mouth to speak but no words came out. I began to breathe faster with every passing second, and my eyes rapidly blurred. I closed my eyelids and a single tear fell from each of my eyes. But soon soft sobs left my lips.
I felt Luke wrap his arms around me, so I buried my head in the crook of his neck. He rubbed my back as I continued sobbing.
"I knew you weren't fine. You don't have to lie Nicole." Luke whispered.
"I ju-just feel so helpless. I-I feel like I'm empty inside, like I'm just a shell o-of who I used to be. I'm tired, a-and I'm sad. I cry all the time and it j-just makes me feel weak." I cried. My wailing proceeded, and Luke held me tighter.
"You know... it's okay to not feel okay. Just remember that you don't have to go through this alone, the boys and I will always be here to help you through whatever you're going through." He reminded me. I slightly lifted my head and nodded, I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck and pulled him as close as possible.
*time skip
*Luke's POV
Later on in the day I went out to hunt with Calum and Ashton, leaving Nicole home with Mikey. We walked down the dirt path through the woods, hoping to stumble upon a hiker or something.
The sky grew dark and rain began to fall, so I threw my hood over my head to keep myself only slightly more dry.
"Maybe we should head back, I doubt any humans would be this far out here. Especially when the weather is like this. Plus, I don't like leaving Nicole for this long." Calum suggested.
"I'm sure Nicole'll be fine, Cal. Let's walk just a little further, I'm hungry and I don't want-"
Ashton cut me off by grabbing my shoulder, making me turn towards him, and he put a finger to his lips. He pointed ahead, I looked to where he was pointing and spotted two teenagers. A guy and a girl, walking hand in hand.
'Let's go.' Ashton mouthed silently. He pulled me along next to him and Calum followed. The three of us crept up to the teens, we grabbed them from behind and covered their mouths to muffle their screams.
*time skip
I pulled open the front door and kicked of my shoes in the foyer, Calum and Ashton following suit. We walked into the living room, finding Nicole bundled in blankets and watching TV.
"Hey boys." Nicole smiled, turning her attention away from the TV.
"Hello there, beautiful." I greeted. Ashton walked around me and Calum and sat himself next to Nicole. She cuddled into his side and he kissed her cheek sweetly.
"Love, do you know where Mikey is?" Calum asked. Nicole gave a small nod.
"He's been in the office for a while." She replied.
"The office?" I questioned, mostly to myself. I turned to Calum who had an eyebrow quirked up. "Alright, thanks."
Calum followed me down the hall and up the stairs to the office. There we found Michael sitting in a swivel chair, behind the desk, with a book in his hand. On the desk were a few open, stray books, and the computer on the desk had a screen open on what looked like some medical website.
"Mikey, what are you doing?" I asked.
"I don't know Luke." He replied sarcastically. "What does it look like I'm doing?"
"He's reading on purpose. Who are you and what have you done with Michael?" Calum chuckled, sitting down on another swivel chair across from Michael.
Michael only rolled his eyes, but soon said. "I'm reading up on symptoms and coping strategies of PTSD. I want to help Nicole get better, so I want to know how to do it right."
"That's smart. What have you found?" I asked as I stood beside him, reading over his shoulder.
"Here's all I have so far," He began. "Get her moving: exercise helps one to focus on their body rather than their thoughts. Spend time in nature: this regulates a relaxing feeling. Sensory imput: pinpoint certain sounds, smells ans sights that make you visually more calm. Vocal toning: it's a great way to open up your nervous system to social engagement. Singing or just humming causes you to maintain focus on the song or sounds your body is making. I like that one a lot, I love Nicole's voice. It's beautiful. And overall connection. We just have to talk to her. Whenever we notice that's she's sad or feeling out of it, we just need to coax her to talk about it."
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A/N: This is sooooo bad, like seriously. And I've been gone forever, over a month or something. Sorry about that, I've just had terrible writer's block. I'm gonna write some chapters, hopefully soon, where the boys use different strategies to help Nicole cope with her PTSD. It's kinda gonna be one on one (nicole×boy). But yeah, hopefully I'll get those done. Thanks for sticking around this long, if you have.
I love you guys, remember to stay awesome. ♡♡♡
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