Be Safe (Criminal Minds/Spencer Reid x OC romantic Fanfic)

WITHDRAWAL

We were asleep for around six hours before the body tremors started. Her withdrawal symptoms held off longer than I thought they would. Her whole body spasms and her eyes flutter open, terrified. She looked at me for an answer then I saw the pain register to her.  I held her closer and pressed my lips to her ear.

"I'm so sorry for what you're about to go through." I whisper softly. "You're going to have to go through the dilaudid withdrawal, they cant give you any medication for your pain because you have to go completely cold turkey. I know what its like and the next few days are going to be horrible for you, but you are so strong Am, I'm here. I'm so proud of you"

I keep my arms wrapped around her tightly. I wish I could take away the pain she was about to feel, that she had felt. Words can't describe the relief when I saw her pull into our street. As soon as she was in my arms I crumbled. I was so scared that I'd never see her again, my whole world had been taken away from me and then given back. 

I was going to cherish every second I had with her, hold her and kiss whenever I get the chance. I know I very narrowly avoided losing her forever. Whatever she named, I'd do, whatever she needed I'd make it happen. 

She was silent through her withdrawal. From what I remember from mine I was very vocal, screaming at nonexistent people to make it stop. I wanted her to scream at me, scream at me for making this happen to her. I only left her side to tell the others that she was not up for visitors. I held her hair as she threw up and kept constant cold towels pressed to her. I did all the things I wished I had someone to do there for me, but I knew I was barely making a dent in what was happening to her.

For the five days that she was withdrawing she barely said a word, as pain shuddered through her she'd bite her lip so hard she'd draw blood. I asked her to stop, to say the things she wanted to say and shakes her head, motioning for me to come closer, her body weak from being fed only through a drip as she was constantly sweating and vomiting. 

"I know I can make you get me drugs." she whispers, barely there. She doesn't say it any other way than matter-of-fact. Because its true. She knows I'd do anything to stop her from hurting, even that. We both know the right combination of things said would make me go and get her the drugs she wanted. 

Its your fault this is happening to me, please Spencer

Think of what he did to me, please Spencer I need it

Spencer help me

I hate you, why did you let this happen to me

All I could think through her silence was things that she wanted to scream at me, even if she didn't mean them, which for some reason she wouldn't, an addict, especially one going through withdrawal, will say anything to get their fix. I would know. 

I held her, whispering soft words into her ear, making plans for us as I just held her. Its all I could do. 

Eventually the symptoms came to an end and her strength came back bit by bit, but I knew that even though that part was over, there was still a long road ahead. Soon she was coherent again and sitting up, managing to eat a little. 

I take her hand and kiss it softly. 

"I'm so proud of you, angel." I whisper. She smiles at me and I see a  little blush spread on her cheeks. The blush gives me hope.