Be Safe (Criminal Minds/Spencer Reid x OC romantic Fanfic)

REUNITED

Hello to you all, thank you for baring with me on this story! I've been working all summer and I am tired, like, all the time - I'll update whenever I can  - your support means the world to me.

I went back and done some editing of the 'Memories' chapter so if you wanna reread that - that'd be grand, I love you all 

The withdrawal was the hardest thing I had to go through, I know logically being kidnapped and raped and beaten and tortured was worse but at least with those things I could tune out, think of something else, I could still be me. With the withdrawal I was someone else, it took all my energy not to say the things I wanted to say to Spencer. I didn't mean any of them but I knew my kind, sweet Spencer would get me drugs I wanted, if I said the right things. I knew exactly what to say so I kept my mouth shut and endured the pain.

I didn't even want to talk because I would have snapped and shouted at him and my love for him, my need to ease the guilt he unnecessarily felt, surpassed the withdrawal. His presence and soft words, cold towels and back rubs helped immensely.

After a few more days I felt a lot better physically, but my head was still all over the place. Spencer's presence was ever comforting, the nightmares were still coming as the haze of the drugs and withdrawal and adrenaline pass. The vivid flashbacks continued.

I knew Spencer wanted to talk about something serious from his face as he took my hand.

"Amity, I think it would be good for you to go and speak to someone." He said softly.

"What, what are you talking about?"

"Am, you've been through so much, and we haven't spoken about what's happened properly. Not about what he did to you and not about how you've now taken a life."

I closed my eyes when he says this. It was the last thing I wanted to think about. But I knew he was right. I ran my hand through my shaggy mess of hair and shivered at the thought of it.

"Can we talk about this after I'm home?" I ask slowly. I want to lie in our bed and play with Atticus, I want to feel normal again before I even think about what I've done. The doctors said I could leave in the next day or two, providing Spencer agreed with it, which he seemed eager to do.

"Okay, whenever you're ready." he looks at me with those big brown eyes. "Amity, I wanna talk to you about the house, I'd understand if you don't want to go back-"

"No, I do, that's our home!" I interrupt as I see where he's going. "He will not take that away from us. I'm safe with you, thinking of being with you and Atticus in our bed watching cartoons is a solid image that stopped me from going mental, do you understand?"

"Of course angel, whatever is easiest for you." he leans over and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes and savour the feel of him. "Are you up for visitors?"

I nod eagerly, I want to see Rossi and Penny and the team. Spencer kisses my forehead again and heads out of the room to get them. I see him hesitate at the door, glancing at me.

"I'm fine, go." I try and say reassuringly but I know by his face it cant have been that impressive. Where as the ast time I was scared of open spaces and large amounts of people, now the thought o being on my own fills me with dread.

"I'll be right back." he informs me, raising his eyebrows. 

I nod again and he leaves, I hear the quick pace of his shoes hit the floor as he makes his way to the visitors room. I don't have much time to panic on my own as I hear a bunch of feet against the floor, squeaks of trainers and the click of heels. The door flies open and I see Spencer looking agitated. Penny bursts in, rushing towards me, she wraps her arms around me and holds me for a while. I breathe in her floral smell, I savour the softness of her, the jingle of her jewellery as she moves. 

"Now, before you say anything I have a friend who needs twenty minutes with you." Penny informs me, pulling me to my feet. I hadn't really stood properly in days and my legs were weak, but this was no problem for Penny who essentially scoped me up and placed me in a chair. I don't really have time to understand what she's saying. She realises I'm lost and slows down, smiling. "I know you've been through a hard time, I cant imagine how you're feeling, but I know how to eliminate the anxiety of one thing. My hair stylist is outside, please don't take offence-"

"Please bring her in," I interrupt, feeling my eyes water. I had demanded to see what he'd done to my hair after I had washed his blood from me and I had cried. My hair, the hair that had shielded me for years, the hair that was my protective curtain between myself and the outside world, was gone and a choppy mess was in its place. 

No one says anything for the next twenty minutes as the stylist chops and sprays and trims and tidies my hair. She hands me a mirror wordlessly and I look into it. I ignore my face; pale and sallow, dark smudges under my eyes, and look at my hair. She's tidied it up into a pixie cut, a swooping fringe in the front, undercut on the side and the back. I don't know what to say, it looks amazing. I feel instantly better. I look up at her, she smiles and leaves without ever saying a word. 

As soon as she's gone I'm back in Penny's arms. She peppers the top of my head with kisses.

"I missed you, my little English muffin. I have some goodies for you, but most of them are at your house for when you go home. Rossi's just bringing the bag now." Penny stops and takes a deep breath, I see her bottom lip start to tremble and I'm suddenly being pulled into her arms again. "Fucking hell Amity, excuse my swearing, but for a second I thought we'd lost you. You're my best friend and I have been a mess without you, we all have. I'm so glad to have you back, I love you."

"Its okay," I whisper, "I'm home now."

I hear the door open and Rossi comes in lugging two large bags with him. When he see's me he stops, his bottom lip also goes. Penny moves so he can take his turn in holding me, all this affection I greatly accept. Many times over the past few weeks I've promised myself I'll never take being held for granted, to have someone you love wrap their arms around you. I bury my face into his neck and take comfort in the familiar aftershave, the soap. His arms tighten.

"Oh its good to see you, little bug." he whispers in my ear. I smile as the tears fall down my cheek.

"is it my turn again?" I hear Penny interject. I giggle a little and all three of us hug,