Be Safe (Criminal Minds/Spencer Reid x OC romantic Fanfic)

SAYING SORRY

new chapter, super short again, however very smutty

Spencer Reid Smut, Spencer Reid Lemons, Spencer Reid Love

He looks at me, unspeaking. I feel so many emotions surge through me: fear, betrayal, anger. So much anger.

"Do you fucking understand how hard this is for me?" I yell. I know I could take a deep breath and calm myself down, push my emotions away from me, but I don't want to. I want to feel this. I need to feel this.

"Am, I'm sorry, I was trying to find the right time to tell you-"

"The right time would have been as soon as you fucking knew Spencer, so I could start to really sort myself out."

"I know, I wasn't thinking-"

"Clearly, clearly you weren't thinking." I hiss, turning away from him and running my hands through my hair. My heart is racing as the angry adrenaline courses through me. I just don't understand why he would hide such a huge thing from me. I would need as much time as possible before I even began preparing for this, each session with Hotch tore me apart each time. It drained me in every way you can phyiscally imagine, having to relive everything I experienced in graphic detail, over and over again.

"Amity, please, I thought I was helping somehow, I don't know how, I just thought I was."

"Spencer, I have to stand up in front of the person who raped me and killed my parents." I say, I see him flinch. "I have to stand up and be told I'm lying about it, and the worse thing is, after me standing in front of a room of strangers and reliving the worst time of my entire life, that bastard still might walk free."

My whole body is shaking. He walks towards me and I back away. He takes another step, and as I back up I find myself pressed against the wall. He reaches out to touch my cheek and I turn my face, dropping my gaze to the floor. He closes the gap, his long fingers wrapping around my thin wrists. He rest his forehead against mine, brown eyes burning intensely into mine. I turn my head again, knowing he will make me melt and I don't want that.

"Tell me what I can do to help this, I'll do anything to make this better, talk to me." he pleads.

"You know me better than anyone, don't you?" I ask. He nods. "Then you know how much I needed to know."

"It was as if by not telling made it not happen, I know I'm not anywhere near feeling what you are, but I'm scared too, mostly for you. I love you and want to protect you, but how can I protect you from your own thoughts?" He slides his hand up to cradle my face. "I am sorry for hurting you, come home with me."

"Fine," I sigh, moving from his grip. I start to pack up my things and I hear Spencer leave the room. Even though I am still angry I'm calm enough to know I have to go home and talk about it. I pick up my bag, go to the living room and thank Penny.

"Call me if you need me," she whispers as we hug. I squeeze her extra tight, she was truly my best friend and its really shown that our friendship transpires her relationship with Spencer. I say goodbye and Spencer, Atticus and I drive home in silence. We get inside and Atticus strolls straight into bed, I grumble to myself as I climb the stairs: wishing he'd stayed up so I got a few more minutes before we had to be completely alone. I get into the room and stand in the centre, glancing at the letter on the sideboard. I feel Spencer come in behind me, know he's looking at it too. He walks over to it, folds it up and puts it in the drawer. He approaches me and cradles my face in his hands.

"I will never keep anything from you again, I'm so sorry, Amity, I love you and there will be no secrets between us." he whispers, I ignore the pang of guilt about keeping the weird calls from him. He looks at me in my eyes, stroking his thumg along my cheek. He then slowly leans in and presses his lips softly against mine, barely there, testing. When I don't pull away he kisses a little harder, repeating the words 'I'm sorry' between them. I kiss him back, my fingers sliding up into his hair as my lips part.

He grabs hold of my hips, pushing me back against the wall. He pushes himself against me and I groan, my want for him overpowering anything and everything else. He reaches down and bunches up my skirt, pulling it around my waist. His other hand goes between my thighs, pushing my pants to the side and touching me. I whimper and he draws in a sharp breath, biting on my lip.

"Spencer," I manage to gasp out. He makes a trail of open mouth kisses along my jaw and neck, biting and sucking on my skin often.

"Yes, baby girl." he whispers into my ear before taking the lobe between his teeth and nibbling on it.

"I need-"

"What do you need?"

"You."

He moves so quickly I lose my breath, he lifts me and pushes, sliding inside me in one movement. My nails dig into his shoulders and I Wrap my legs around him as tight as I can. Anger is replaced by nothing but animalistic urge. We bite and scratch and claw and fuck out our feelings. He whispers things in my ear that you'd never expect come from Spencers mouth, sexy dirty things. Things that any other time would make me blush. I delighted in the feel of his usually smooth chin scratching against my skin, a clear few days worth of stubble rubbing against me.

"Am, I'm close." he pants as I feel his grip tighten on me.

"Me too," I reply, clinging to him with all I could.

"Cum with me love."

With that I become undone, he buries his face into my neck as he pins me against the wall. I yell his name, and he mine. Pleasure floods through me, intensified by the sounds Spencer makes. He holds us there for a long time as our breathing and heart slows. He then moves slowly, holding me to him still. He takes us to bed and lays me down, he takes my skirt in his hands and pulls it off me. Then he undresses too, climbs into bed and pulls me close. His fingers of one hand run up and down my back, the other hand stroking my hair.

"Will you love me forever?" my voice breaks a little on the last word. I don't usually need this affirmation, the need to hear out loud his love for me. His hands freeze just for a second before he wraps his arms tightly around me.

"I will love you forever," He murmurs against my ear. "There is nothing nor no one that can stop that, you are mine and I am yours."