Being insecure about my body has effected me greatly since September last year.
I know I've had rants about this topic but this isn't a rant, it's a talk.
In 2016, I started out 101 pounds and then I turned 13 and it went spiraling downhill.
That summer, I went to about 105, which isn't heavy at all for a 5'3"-5'4" female.
And then august/September game and I was 110, and now 5"6" (I grow fast, I know) and I felt that 110 was a large number, an extremely large number.
I thought I was obese, when in reality I probably looked like a stick.
And then within a month or so I was 115, and that's when I got really got bad off.
I would stay up late and research diets, how much a girl my age should weigh, and I would go on multiple BMI calculators, and everything told me that I was a healthy girl, I could even gain a little.
But something about that didn't settle with me, I felt like it was all a huge lie and that I was really extremely overweight.
Then December rolled around and the winter was making me depressed because where I live, it's bitter and grey all the time.
So that didn't help at all.
So now 5'7", I thought that 115 was still too much for my height and age but really, it's perfect and in fact, ideal.
But my insecurity was gnawing away at me, and I started back up with trying to do diets ands everything, which is very unhealthy and not safe for a female going through puberty.
Online I'd see girls who looked like me but they were less, so that really convinced me that I needed to drop some serious pounds.
So, the rest of december I was a mess, but I didn't tell my family about how I felt, I just kept it inside.
And then mid-january I asked my mom to talk and I burst into uncontrollable sobs, and she was 100% there for me.
And she explained how I had small frame and how I'm slender and slim, and an ideal weight and look for my age and height and that weight shouldn't matter, and it hit me and I listened to her and I felt okay, I felt better.
She asked me what about my body I didn't like, to which I had replied with "everything", and she told me that there was really nothing wrong with me.
Then we talked about other things that relate to the topic,so things like metabolism and this may seem like I'm bragging but it was almost like coming into a world of color after only seeing grey for the longest time.
We talked about my past, and how I used to only really eat junk food and still managed to be underweight, and I was of course, envious of my 9-year-old self, but she said I could probably eat as much as I wanted and still be in good shape, because of the fast metabolism that runs in our family.
And so now, it's february and I still get bad off once and awhile, but I realize that life is too short to spend it worrying about weight.
My 14th birthday is in 42 days, I'm still 115 pounds, sometimes I drop down to 112, I'm still 5'7
" and I'm going to try and focus on what's important, being happy and healthy.
Though, I now eat pretty healthy, this spring and summer when the produce is way better and grown in my state, I'm going to put my all into fueling my body with healthy and benefiting foods.
And also I'm going get a juicer and make juices with kale and strawberries and all that good stuff because that's just so good to be honest.
2017 is going to be happy and healthy, thank the lord I have a big backyard and I can spend the whole spring and summer playing soccer and frisbee with my family, maybe even tennis because we got rackets and balls so gotta put them to good use.
Love you guys loads, thanks for reading my shitty rants and talks, feel free to comment your own stories or any comments you want to share, bye !!
