Messed up...for Life

Hotel

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Brandon's POV

I can't stop worrying about Emily... she has been getting paler though the day. Her break down made me worry, even if i didn't understood much i understood the 'I want to die part' the 'let me go' from earlier in Ed's house. I look at her sleeping in the passengers side and I sigh i wonder why she's so closed up. Alex and Edwin seem to get along well already and it's the first day. I also wonder why her house was in such a bad condition "Ed can I ask you something? It's about Emily" I ask Ed. He says silent for a bit then nervously says "y-yea i think i can answer depending in the question" "Why is she so closed up? and Why was there blood in the hallway of her house?" I ask. he hesitates but answers " Well she has had a tough life....more than mine big time and has been taught to not trust or make people mad....i thought she trusted me but i found out lots of things today that i didn't even know she went through. And about the second question i don't really know. I believe where in the same page when it comes to her family. Except I've never really heard of her mom...now that i think about it the only time she mentioned her was when she had only a week here, we were 3 back then though and it was in this park when we joined the gang that i told her she knew nothing about gangs and she told me her mom used to be gangster but the only way to get out a gang is death unless she was strong enough to fight the major." "Had a week here from were?" Asked Alex "Italia, she's from Italia, i know because of her accent. Her accent isn't as notable anymore she learned to control it." "oh ok thank you" I say. "How about some food?" I ask, i'm hungry and I bet they both are too since we haven't eaten much today. "Yes!" they both yell. I chuckle but stop when i see Emily start moving and start mumbling no's one after another. Ed notices and says "Oh my, not now" he starts softly shaking her but she flinches away and he no's start getting louder. I pull over to the side of the road I then help Ed shake her as he get out of the jeep and walks to the passenger side opening the door. Emily started yelling 'no please no' and i get worried, she has said that phrase more than 5 times today. She flinches away from both Eds and my touches. She starts scratching her wrist Ed tries to stop her but she moves away I turn on the cars front lights to see that Emely's wrist was bleeding a lot. I grab her wrist and hold her while Alex holds the other one and Ed shakes her. She won't stop yelling 'no's and stop's and please's". She yells a loud no as she wakes up with bright silver eyes. That's another thing i noticed her eyes change color a lot. She looks around trying to figure out where she was then sigh's looking down mumbling a sorry. "Are you ok sis?" Ed asks. She doesn't answer "Are you ok, Emily?" Alex tries. but still no answer she looks down at her wrist and i let go only to see her reach to her pocket and take out a shiny blade. "No Emily." I say as i try to grab her wrist again but she flinches. She pulls up her left sleeve the one I had seen earlier and starts cutting. I stop trying to take it away from her, then i reach for her wrist in a fast way that she didn't expect me too. She hides the blade between her palm and closes it hard. I try to take the blade away from her but she fights. I noticed her getting weak and i take the opportunity to take it away from her. She starts scratching her wrist again "Sis stop." I hear Ed say but she ignores him and continues. Alex gets in front of her and holds her wrist in each side of her head. She's breathing fast and uneven I notice her breathing only starts getting faster and thicker. "Deep breaths Emily...take deep breaths" I order her but she won't do what i tell her instead she holds her breath "Emily stop doing that. Stop please." Ed says she holds her breath and we all stay quiet until Edwin breaks the silence "let her go." he tells Alex. "but she's going to hurt herself." Alex says worried. "Let her go she's not thinking she thinks the one holding her is her father not you. She's having a flashback. Let her go." He says, Alex let her go only then she lets her breath go and curls into a ball. We all notice she went as white as the snow. she stops breathing again. "Emily. Breath. Now." I say and she does what i tell her I noticed her eyes when back to normal silver, not as bright anymore, I then put the blade in the coffee holder. Why does she do this to herself? Why? "Sis why do you do this? What was the night terror about?" He asks as he rests his head in her shoulder she flinches but then lets him rest his head in her shoulder. "Sorry" she mumbles as her breathing goes back to normal.We all look at her as she talked that isn't her regular voice this voice was deeper and silent. Ed didn't look so surprised at her voice as Alex and i did. "Can I hug you sis?" She shakes her head slowly. "Sorry" she says. "It's ok... I understand... are you going to tell me what the terror was about?" He asks. She shakes her head no again. "sorry" "Can you say something other than sorry?" Alex asked. She shakes her head slowly and rests it in her knees "sorry." I look at Alex then at Ed "Give her time...get back inside the jeep lets go" I say. They nod and get in. "Do you guys still want to go out to eat or you want to order something to the hotel?" I ask them both. They look at each other then at Emily saying "We can order something to the hotel, tomorrow is going to be a long day we need rest." I nod and start driving towards the hotel. "Sorry" Emily mumbles after 10 minutes. "Why" i ask and try to put my hand in her shoulder but she flinches. "Everything" she then mumbles. From the corner of my eyes i see her looking at the blade in the coffee holder. I reach for the blade and put it in my pocket. She softly growls and look at her wrist then outside. "How are you feeling?" I ask her she doesn't answer i try again "Emily? How are you feeling?" She shrugs "That doesn't answer my question Emily?" I say expecting everything but an "I'm ok" from her yet that's what i got as an answer. I sigh and park the car outside of the hotel. "Guys go upstairs...we'll catch up right now." I tell Alex and Ed who they both nod and get out the car. I see them disappear though the building's door. "Emily...Why are you so closed up? Why do you lie to us? All we are trying to do is help you." I ask looking back at her. She stays silent thinking but then says " I don't know...I'm sorry about earlier. I'll try for it to not happen again." "It's not about what happened right now it's about the cutting, the not eating, the drugs. I want you to open up to me, trust me. I know it has only been today that we know each other but...but it's not impossible look at Ed and Alex." "I can't be fixed, i'm sorry" she says and tries to leave the car but i stop her. "you can be 'fixed' all you need is to let go, to talk, to open up. I know it's not as easy as it sounds but it's all worth a try." All she says is " I can't... and i need a shower, then tries to get out the jeep but i stop her again. "You can't what?" I ask. "be open and trust" she says. I nod "I'll prove you that you can all that is needed is time." I say and get out the Jeep. She stays in the passengers seat thinking so i to her side and open the door. "Come on, you need a shower then i'll check your wrists." She nods and gets out the car but was about to fall except i was able to catch her. "Are you ok?" She nods and tries to walk of but she falls. "No you are not ok. Your dizzy and lightheaded." I state picking her up she fights but i don't give in and hold her tightly. I grab her small backpack from the back of the car and start walking towards our room with her still trying to get off my grip. "Emily stop." "Your going to drop me." She mumbles. I stop and look at her "It's not like you where heavy, your the lightest person i know." "Please put me down, i'm fat" she begs "You are not fat! Now stop struggling because i'm not putting you down." As i neared the rooms door i take out the key and open the door. I walk in laying her down in a bed. "Where are Alex and Ed?" She asks. "Next door" I say. "I'm going to take a shower" she says standing up only to fall again. I chuckle and help her to the bathroom. I turned on the water for her and walked out so she could shower "Don't lock the door" I say as i put her bag in the sink and walk out. I go out the rooms door and into Alex's room. "Have you guys ordered anything yet?" "Yea, Ed wanted Domino's Pizza" said Alex. "Where is Edwin?" "he's showering and Em?" "Same..." I said "...I'm tired." "Yea me too. This kids do a lot in one day." He said "Yea" I agreed "Has she opened up to you?" "No, but she's not ok and i can tell when she got off the car she fell from dizziness and she's lightheaded. Had to carry her inside even tho she was arguing because she thought she was fat and heavy." "Oh, ok." "I should go check on her, i left her to shower." "ok, just let Ed come out the shower then we'll go over." I nod and walked back to the room. Emily is still in the shower even though i don't hear any movement. I softly knock on the door "You ok Emily?" I hear a soft yes and i go back to the bed laying down silently. 5 mins later Emily comes out in a spaghetti shirt, gloves and black pants with her hair in two braids.I notice the dark bruises and lashes and bullet scars she has, i also notice some fresh cuts in her shoulders and upper arm, her gloves are covering her forearm and wrist, I notice some tattoos. She lays down in her bed closing her eyes and sighs. "Are you tired?" I ask. She sits up and says "yea" she looks at me and stays like that until i ask "What is it?" she hesitates and says "nothing" and looks down "Emily please tell me." she looks down i can tell she either did or is hiding something, i see tears roll down her face but she instantly wipes them away, lays down and hides her face in the pillow I hear soft sobs. I stand up and go to her bed shaking her softly "hey, hey what is it?" "nothing" she says into her pillow. "Nothing made you cry, what is nothing?" i turn her so that she is facing me but she hides her face behind her hands "hey uncover your face. Let me see princess." I pull her to my lap and she uncovers her face wiping the tears away "sorry" she mumbles and tries to get off my lap but i don't let her. "Tell me what is bothering you baby girl." I say "I cut more" is all she says I take a deep breath. "Let me see" she shakes her head no looking down. Ed and Alex bust through the door laughing and talking Emely looks at them then back down. "Did we interrupt something?" asked Alex "Yes you guys did." I say to him and then look at Em "We'll finish talking later ok princess?" she nods and get up going to the bathroom. I look towards Alex and Ed "Is everything ok?" Alex asked as he and Ed sat in my bed. I shrug and say "Yea". Emely's phone vibrated in the bed side table. "The pizza in taking forever!" Ed complained dramatically fake fainting. We all chuckle at that and there was a knock on the door. Ed jumped and ran to the door yelling "Finally!" He pays the delivery man and comes back with a box of pepperoni pizza and four Dr.Pepper's. Emily walked into the room and sat down next to me. "Want some pizza sis?Oh and your phone vibrated" Ed asked Em "Nay thanks" she says reaching for her phone opening it with a slight smile. "Who made you smile like that Em?"asked Alex jokingly "It must me either Andy or Blake who's it sis?" he asks "It's Blake he send a video of when we where younger, our first choreography" "The one to 'I can be a Freak'?" "yea" "OM that video is the most embarrassing thing ever" "Yeap" she agreed "But i will always love it no matter how bad it was since it was the first and last dance KK was with us" he said. "Yea" she agreed sadly. "But hey he's still with us spiritually but he's here he loved you a lot, he loves you may i correct myself he always said he would love you. He was always so proud of you and-" "Edwin. Stop. Please. I know. I love him too, the only person i'v ever loved and will really love ok. I know he's here. sorry. it's still kind of hurts me. Sorry bro." she said trying to hold back tears. "It's ok. Sorry. It kinda hurt me too, still." He says looking down with tears in his eyes. Emely stands up and goes to him hugging him tight and he hugs her back. "How about we do a question game?" Asked Alex trying to change the topic. Em looked at him and nodded "sounds good, i think it's a good way to focus in another thing, right Ed?" "Yea" he said as Em wiped his tears away. "I want to start" I said "sure" said Ed "Um.. Simple or life"I ask not knowing. Ed looks at Em and Em just shrugged "Let's just start simple then we can move to life." he said