Messed up...for Life

Regretting my decision

Emily P.O.V.

I hate this so much! I wanna murder them so bad right now they decided we should go shopping. I hate shopping. The worst is that I am not only stuck with Edwin if not that they now know I am trans and they want to get me a new closet full of clothing...why did they have to find out about the fucking fact that i am transgender. Even though it makes me more free  when it comes to being myself i hate to be in and out of a changing room! "Omg that so looks amazing in you!" Matt squeals "YES! The emo you looks amazing!" yells Evan. I look down at my clothing. "This is not emo me. This is a stereotype of being emo" I say pointing at my clothing and my now purple hair. "What you look amazing though! Right love?" Matt says and looks at Alex who slowly nods. "Yea he looks amazing however I think he looks better as a sport kid" Brandon states. I look at him with an 'are you serious face' "What?! Its true!" Brandon yells. "I'm done with this. I hate shopping and i give up in the wardrobe" I say and walk back to the changing room to change back to my regular clothing. Once i take off the shirt and pants i look at myself in the mirror numbly. I instantly frown at my reflection. I look up and down my body as tears slowly fall from my eyes. I look down and slowly put my shirt and pants on. Why do I have to be so ugly? Why did he have to come back?! Why cant I be me? Why am I so fucking horrible!? I drop to my knees and cover my face. I grunt in anger. I hear a soft knock in the door. "You okay in there Em?" asks Evan. I don't answer. "Em?" I hear Brandon this time. "I-i'm fine-e" i finally say. "No you aren't. Open up." Evan says but i don't move. "Em open up now." Brandon says sternly. I slowly stand up and turn the lock. Brandon come in and wraps me in an instant hug, i bury my face in his chest as he plays a hand over my head softly. "Shh shh love its okay" he says as he rubs my back softly making sure not to hurt me. I cry into his chest as both Brandon and Evan hug me. Evan brushes my hair with his hand. "Calm down little one. Let go back to your house. I think its enough shopping for today even if we didn't buy any clothing" Evan says. Brandon makes me look up at him in the eyes, i look back down. "No Em look at me in the eyes" He says stubbornly. I look up at him. He wipes my tears away and looks at me in the eyes, "no matter how fucking hard this world has treated you recently you cant give up on us. You cant leave us. You have no permission to not take care of yourself. Understood?" He says. I look back down. "No Em up here. Up here!" Brandon says raising his voice slightly but sternly. I look back up. "Understood?" he asks again and i softly nod looking back up. "No. I want to hear you say yes and looking at me in the eyes" I look down but back up before he said anything. "Yes-s" I stutter and tears roll down my eyes. "Okay than lets get going love" He says and hugs me before unlocking the door. Before we go out of the changing room i stop and wipe my tears away and take a deep breath. "Are my eyes red?" i ask in a low voice. "What?" Brandon asks confused.  "Are my eyes red?" I ask again this time louder. "Yes, kind of." I nod and look up to the ceiling taking multiple deep breaths. I bounce in my feet trying to ignore the pain in my lungs. "Why you bouncing?" asks Evan. "The pain. I'm trying to ignore the pain" i say and shake my head getting dizzy. Brandon catches my arm. "Fuck calm down. Do we have to take you to the hospital?" Brandon asks and i shake my head no. "Hey guys everything good in- whats going on?" Alex comes into the changing room. "Fuck he can tell. I cant go out like this. People will question it and i'm going to be in trouble"  i say and lean in the wall. I feel a hand in my back and i jump as i feel a sharp pain in my lung. I instantly start coughing. As i cough i feel the pain in my lungs getting worst i lean into the wall to keep balance however my legs become weak and i slowly drop to the floor. Evan tries catching me but wasn't able to.  As i cough I notice i'm coughing out blood. As i cough i feel like i cant breath and hold my breath as much as possible. It usually helps... not this time. I rest my head in my thighs under me. I try to breath and fail. I feel someone grab my arm and pull me back making me rest in their chest. I continue coughing as he tries to unfold me but it hurt to much to help. I hear yelling but i hear it all from a distance. I feel someone else grab my knees and try to pull them, Whoever it was makes it possible. I can't breath no more. It hurts. Its impossible. Whoever was behind me tries to lay me down as the other holds my legs down but i hear myself whimper into the cough making it worst. I hear talking but its in a distance, i'm not able to make up what they are saying. They are shaking me but I cant get no more air. No more. My vision starts getting dark and i feel myself defeated, weak and no longer in control of anything, I lose it all. 

Emmet P.O.V.

"Hello?" Chris answers my phone. As I sit up in the floor. "Okay, we on our way" he says and frowns. I stand up as he hangs up. His pout is so cute.  I grab him by the hips and bring him closer as i suck at his pout. "We have to go to the hospital" Chris says making me stop and look at him. "Did Crystal wake up?" I ask him as i look at him in the eyes, he looks say though unlike a moment ago. "No" he says in a very low voice, looking down. "Then who's at the hospital?" I ask. "Em.. Em is in the hospital, she had an attack and there is an 80% she might not wake up is she doesn't get blood donated to her in an hour... Her and i have the same blood type" He says and looks down i get anger rise within me. "You aren't donating blood! I'm not allowing you to donate blood! Yes, I love Em but I love you more!" I yell walking back and looking at him who starts crying. "I need to. Its her only chance. I can't someone who I've looked after so much and saved from suicide so many times die just because i wasn't allowed to donate blood. I can't do that love. I'm sorry but i am going. I do love you but I care about her and this world would be a disaster without her, we all depend on her and not only that but many will go into more depression and stuff. I cant let her die. Imma go to the hospital and donate blood. Because if it wasn't for her we wouldn't be here she has saved us so many times and has saved me by donating blood when i was younger as well, its time to return the favor. If it wasn't for her we wouldn't be here right now. I have some business to take care of so, I'll see you around love" He says and walks out of the house grabbing his keys in the way leaving me standing there. I take in everything he said and run after him getting in my motorcycle, on my way to the hospital.  Once i get there i see him getting off his car. "Love I'm Sorry!" i say slightly grabbing his arm. He ignores me and continue walking i notice hes crying, I keep running after him but he starts to run.  He runs into the hospital with many doctors trying to slow us down, Chris won't  slow down but comes into a sudden stop. I stop myself from falling and noticed that Chris was behind Alex and Brandon who look as confused as a fly about to be smashed. I clear my throat. "Chris we need to talk, please... i promise i wont make you stop from donating but please lets talk first" I say to him and take a deep breath. "What you want to say you can say in front of Brandon and Alex" He says with a shaky voice. "No i want to talk to you alone" I say. "Then its going to have to wait until after I donate the blood. Em got not much time so she need the blood now and if you wont stop me that's great, I'll drive home once i'm done here... so go home" he says but i shake my head no. "First off i don't think they will allow you to drive after donating blood from you, specially you who gets dizzy very easily." I say as a matter of fact. "Ed can take my home once Em wakes up or Ty can take me home as well." He says and i nod knowing i have no win here. "Fine, I'll go but just know that i will be waiting for you back at home" Is say with a tear rolling down my cheek. I feel him hug me i know its him, his strawberry sent never failed him. He lets go and gives me a kiss. "Go home love, I promise to be there once i'm done here," he says and I nod walking out.