Messed up...for Life

The day

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Emily's POV

"Em you awake?" I hear Brandon ask with a sleepy voice. "Yea" "Did you sleep anything?" "No." I say looking at the bed side clock at saw it was 5:00 am. "It's still early you should sleep some more." "No i'm good, I just feel a bit tired." "ok, i'm going for a walk...I need some air" "...last time you said that you... attempted suicide princess" he said unsure of himself "I'm sorry" I mumble. "It's ok...how are you feeling you seem very pale today more than yesterday?" "I'm ok" I lied "Emily what did we say about lying?" "I will be ok i promise" I say "What do you mean by 'will be'? What's wrong princess, what's causing you to be pale and dizzy most of the time?" he asks. i don't want him to panic. I try to ignore his question and sit up but a pain shoots up my ribs i let out a small whimper as i lay back down. "What is it princess?" Brandon asks as he stand up from his bed and comes to the side sitting at the edge of my bed. I shake my head slowly "It's nothing my stomach just hurts a bit." he looks at me not convinced but decides to let it go. "ok, you should eat something." "i'm not hungry but thanks, i'm going to get ready for the day" I say standing up but the pain in my ribs makes me dizzy making me fall back into the bed. "Let me see your stomach princess." He says but i shake my head no, "I'm ok really." "Why are your eyes turning hazel from Aqua?"he asked since he had only seen the silver. "Umm...my eyes change color depending on how i feel" I said. "oh ok and what does silver, aqua, and hazel?" "i'll make you a color code later on.." "ok but still what do they mean?" he asked. "Silver- Suicidal, Aqua- Restless..." "And Hazel?" "Pain" i say barely audible. "I'm going to get ready" I say instantly standing up not caring about the pain. I walk into the bathroom and lean against the sink feeling relief about not putting to much effort on my broken ribs. I go to my bag and grabbed some black pants, a t-shirt without sleeves that had a big skull, and some plain black elbow length gloves, and my razor blade choker that contains a few blades in it. I take one out putting it in the tub. I undress and turned on the burning hot water, i sit in the edge grabbing my razor. I press the cold friend against my skin slowly moving it, seeing the blood quickly start dripping from my arm to the tub floor, i continue making more cuts and deeper each time till there was a knock on the door scaring me. "y-yes?" i ask. "Is everything good in there?" "Y-yea" I stutter. "Ok" he says and i hear him go back to the room. I clean the blade and start showering hissing when the hot water burns my skin and cleans my wrists. I finish showering and get dressed and I packing my stuff and put my razor blade in the necklace and put it on. i go out the bathroom putting my backpack near the door. I see Ed, Alex, and Brandon talking in the room. "Hey" I say and start walking to the bed and lay down looking at the ceiling "Hey" they all say at the same time. "How you doing today Emily?" asks Alex. "I'm good thanks and you?" "good" he says and i nod "Bro do you have eyeliner?" I ask Ed, he nods and gets it from his bag that i didn't notice both Alex and him had next to them. "I want to put it on you, can I please." he begs knowing i usually say no since when we where little he put it all over my face. "Sure." I say not feeling like putting it on. I lay my head in his lap as he put the eyeliner on. He's not usually a morning person and today he's happy, i wonder what changed. Oh well i'll let it go, i prefer seeing him happy than sad. 'Write Sins Not Tragedies' from Panic at the disco starts playing in my phone which meant Ty was calling. I ignore it and soon the song ends but then 'Check Yes Juliet' from We the Kings start playing which is Ana's ringtone. I still ignore it but then Ty calls again and again. "It's must be an emergency since they won't stop calling" said Brandon. I look at him then I reach for my phone and put it in speaker. "What's up with you guys calling so early?" I ask "Shut up it's not like you were asleep anyway... now listen. Am I in speaker?" I could hear sobbing in the background and Ed heard too because i see him frown "yes" "Are you with Edwin?" He asks "Yes.." I say trailing off. "Put me off speakers and go somewhere Ed can't hear us." He says with an impatient voice, now i worry. I stand up getting dizzy but Alex helps me up and I walk outside. "There, what is it?" I ask Ty. I hear him hesitate then says "both Andy and Jack.." "what about them" I ask wanting to know what he wanted. "they...they half committed suicide." he says with his voice cracking. "What?" I say barely audible wanting him to tell me that he was kidding or that it was a April fool prank even though it's November. "Yes...last night they went to the Ryzobes and they already owed them lots of money of the drug. The Ryzobes building camera shows when they say they wanted to die, that they wanted to be killed. The Rizobes being Rizo's killed them." he said and I could tell he was crying and i was also in tears. "Am...Am I suppose to tell Ed?" I ask. "Yes...Your the only one that can control him." He says "ok,...we'll see you later then" I say not sure of myself and clean my tears being thankful his eyeliner was water-prof, taking a deep breath before going in the room. "What did T-...What happened?" He asks as he looks at my eyes now combined with silver, and little brown, aqua, and hazel. I look to the floor. I feel him standing up "What happened Em?!" he half-yells with worry clear in his voice "He..They k-killed themselves" i say looking down. "No! No! No! Your lying!" he now yells knowing who 'he' is, I shake my head telling him that i'm not. He runs towards the door so that he can go to them but i catch him by the waist bringing him to bed. "Calm down Ed!" I yell trying to keep him down. He grabs my blade choker and pushes me off him. I stand up running to him right before he goes into the bathroom. I may be 'Skinny' but i'm strong as hell and more fit then Ed. I pull him away from the bathroom. "Let go! I don't want to live! I cant live without him!!" He yells and Alex come and tries to hug him but Ed punches him in the jaw. I stop him from going after Alex by grabbing his wrists. "Stop Edwin! Stop!" He tries punching me but I avoid it making him fall from the strength the punch was coming towards me. I take the opportunity to hold him down by the wrist and legs with my own in the floor. I take the choker away throwing it to the bed. "Let go Emily please let go!" He yells but i notice him running out of strength since he can't push me off anymore. "Bro please calm down." I say looking at him. I keep that position until i feel him pass out. I get off him caring him to the bed. I sit down in the corner of the bed and look back towards Brandon and Alex. "Sorry about him hitting you" I mumble to Alex. "It's ok." I nod and put my face in my hands covering the few tear that rolled down my cheeks. I wipe them off and look around for my choker. "I have it" I hear Brandon say and I look up to him seeing him holding my razors. "Can I please have it back" I say looking everywhere but him. "I don't want you cutting...so no princess" he says "please" i beg "No Emily" he says more sternly "Fine i have more" I say standing up going to my bag. I found them and started walking to the bathroom only to see Alex blocking the door "Excuse me" I say trying to pass through him but he doesn't move. I look down and walk towards the room door but Brandon is there, I try to pass through him getting frustrated "Let me out!" i say frustrated and try to move Brandon but Alex grabs me by the waist and carries me to the bed. "Let me go, A-Alex." I say "no" is all he says. he lays me down in bed. I try standing up again but he won't let me. I sigh and try again and again until i give up and put my blade inside my glove. I stay there looking at the ceiling. "I'm sorry" I say after 20 minutes. We stay silent for 10 mins more until we hear Ed mumbling a sorry. I look towards him and say "We should get going" They all nodded "Yea the airplane leaves at 12 pm" Brandon said "What?!?" Ed yells in panic he hates heights . Brandon and Alex laughed and said "Unless you guys want to drive for a day?" "We'll be there by 3 or 4 pm" I assured them.