Messed up...for Life

WHY!!

Emily's POV

"Morning." I said to Alex and Brandon as I entered the leaving room. "Morning" they say. "How was last night?" Asks Brandon. "Like it always is. Sleepless and tiring." I say with a yawn. "I see. Are you up for breakfast?" Asks Alex. I shake my head no. "Not hungry thanks." I say. "You haven't eaten anything in 2 days, You are going to eat." Brandon says. So something I have figured out is that Brandon is stricter than Evan and Matt also a little bit more that Alex. Brandon is the crazy childish one as long as you don't mess with your health. Evan is more strict when it comes to being isolated. Matt is strict when it comes to following orders and demanding emotions. Alex is strict with health and alcohol and drugs. So they are all strict just some more than others in different occasions. They are all fun though.
Brandon and Alex escort me to the kitchen. Alex points to the seat between them both. I do as told. "Eggs and Bacon? Or just a cerial?" Brandon asks. I look down at my hands. "Cerial" I mumble. "Hey, Sky we are doing this because we care about you. You need to be eating." Alex says. I nod but not believe him. How can someone care about me? A useless piece of shit that should be dead by now?! I feel a plate being place in front of me. It's Lucky charms. I nod as a thank you. "You don't have to finish it but you must at least eat half." Alex says. I nod again and grab the spoon slowly eating.

"So what are you going to do today?" Brandon asks me as we sit in the couch. "I don't know. I want to sleep. Have a day here. I want to just be in my room." I say with a huff and hid my face with my hands. I could feel the tears build up. Jeez why am I such a cry baby. I feel a hand in my back, I jump. "Shh shh calm down. It's just me." Brandon says. He pulls me into a hug but I shake my head no. "Why not?" Brandon asks. "I am not to cry. Sorry." I mumble. "Why not? you like us are humans we are free to cry." Alex says. I shake my head no. "I'm not." I say. I feel bait in my throat. I run upstairs. Straight to my room and the bathroom. I hear footsteps followed by a sigh. "Stand up Em." I hear Alex strict voice. I try standing up. I get dizzy and hold into the sink for support. I look at the mirror, looking at myself blurrily. I punch the mirror with all my force. "Emely stop!" Says Brandon holding me back from the​ sink. I pull away and look at myself in the mirror again. Punching it again and again, it took both Alex and Brandon to make me stop. I give in. "Come on Em. Stop you are hurting yourself. Please stop." Brandon says, catching his breath. I nod tiredly. I stare at my bleeding hands numbly. "Take deep breaths Em." Alex says. I don't answer I just stay silent. After what seem like forever​ I seem able to move. I wash my hands and my mouth. Still looking at my hands I murmur a sorry. I close my eyes feeling the tears win. I let out the tears. I'm tired! Tired of living! Tired if trying! Tired of being alive! I want to die! I turn around and walk pass both Alex and Brandon. I throw myself at the bed crying. "I want to die!" I yell at my pillow. I want to die so bad! "Em calm down. What's bothe-" "Can I please be left alone? Just for 10 minutes. 10 minutes is all I ask. Please" I say as calm as I can cutting Brandon off. "As long as you promise to not hurt yourself anymore and the door is unlocked" Alex says. I stay silent. I want to die. I don't answer instead I cover my head with the pillow. I try suffocating myself but Alex take the pillow away. I just cry. I want to die! I want to die! I really do. "Em what are you thinking and feeling right now?" Asks Alex. "I want to die. Please give me 10 minutes alone." I say. "No Em. I'm not going to risk you attempting suicide. Do you want me to call someone? Matt, Dylan, anyone?" Brandon asks. I shake my head no. "No I want to be alone. I want to die" I say and lay down. Numbly starring at the walls thinking of ways to kill myself.

"Better?" Asked Alex. I don't answer I hear him very distant. I'm still wanting to die. I want to give up. I'm tired of being me physically, mentally and emotionally. I'm exhausted. "I'm going to call Matt see if he can talk her out of it." Said Alex I'm guessing to Brandon. Please just leave me alone. I want to die.

Matt's P.O.V.
"So you are saying that the girl is a bit out of it? She might feel alone. We could always try to talk to her." Says Evan to me. We are eating lunch in his classroom. "Yes I mean-" I'm cut off by my phone ringing. I take it out to see it was a call from my love. I show Evan the phone in confusion. I answer. "Hey, love?" "Hey baby..." He says through the phone. I put it in speaker. "What's the matter love? I can hear your voice a bit hesitant." I say. "It's just that... We need some help either yours or Evans." He says I nod. "Okay... Whats the matter?" I repeat. "It's Em...She is suicidal at the max." He says. I looks at Evan and see worry that is a mirror of my face. "Why what happened?" Evan asks. "Hi Evan.... And we don't know. She came downstairs with silver and blue eyes. We made her eat half a cerial then we went to the leaving room in which Brandon asked him what he was going to do. Em said that he wanted to stay home and be locked in his room. He was in the verge of tears but didn't. Then she ran upstairs we followed him, she was throwing up. She stood up and looked at herself in the mirror she started punching it over and over." He says and I nod. "We have been trying to calm her down... She's laying down staring at the wall. He's in his mind." Alex says at last. I look at the time. It's 1pm already and leave at 3 pm. "We still have and hour to go, what if you that guy... Zaylian?" I say. "I don't have the number." He says. "I do." Evan says. "I'll send it to you." He says. "Okay. Thanks guys." My love says. "Love you baby" Alex says and I say it back.

Emily's P.O.V.

I close my eyes. Brandon won't leave me alone. I need him to leave. I have the perfect plan! I just need for him to leave me alone in my room. I dont know where he is. Brandon has said not anything. The door opened but I don't move. I feel Brandon move then the bed dips again. I feel a hand in my upper arm. "Hey Sky?" I hear Zaylians voice say. I still don't look at him. I feel him pull me. I keep my eyes closed. I know that is what he wants to see. "Open your eyes. Let me see Sky." I just move my her back to the wall. He sighs. "Will you give me a hug? You need a hug from big brother?" He asks and I nod. He pulls me to his lap, I rest my head in his chest. I feel him hug me and wipe my tears away. I didn't know I was crying anymore. He rest his head on top of mine. "What's the matter baby boy?" He asks. I don't answer. "Why are you torturing yourself like this?" He says speaking out his questions. I open my eyes not knowing he was now looking at me. "Your eyes are silver and black and aqua. They are dull. Do you have a suicide plan already in mind?" He asks like if I was going to answer. "Do you want to sleep some? We can talk when you wake up." He offers. I slightly shake my head no. "Why not." He asks already knowing the answer. I look at him and feel tears roll down my cheeks. "Cry, cry all you need to cry. It will help you heal." He says. He picks me up and lays me down. "I'll be back little one." He says getting his phone and I nod looking back at the wall.
He comes back after a few minutes along with Dylian and Brandon. "Hey man. How you doing?" Dylian asks. I sit up, resting my back into the wall. I look at him then at Zaylian then at Alex and Brandon. I stand up. "Wo were are you going?" Asks Dylian stopping me. I pointing to the bathroom. He look at Zay which nods. I go into the bathroom and slide down the door. I hear pieces of the mirror.