Messed up...for Life

Night

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Emily P.O.V

Everyone went to bed but i'm not able to sleep. I hate not being able to sleep. Why can't I be normal? Why do I have to be so useless and so ugly and fat? Why me?! I hate myself so much. Why did Ty, Ana, and Blake had to come? Why do I have to be- "Emily? What are you doing up?" I hear Alex voice cutting through my thoughts "..and why are you in-front of the knifes staring at them? You aren't going to do what I think you are right?" He asks from behind me. I reach for the knife and look at it. I could either do it now or never. I feel him getting closer. He puts his hand in top of my hand that was holding the knife and says "Em please don't do this princess. You're going to be ok i promise i'll help... please give it to me." he says but i just put the knife in my neck and close my eyes feeling tears roll down. "Em please don't. I know you don't want this. I know all you want is to be normal and to be happy for once. I know how it is to be stuck in a hole and try to come out with no help and maybe not as deep as yours but please let us help you." he says causing more tears to fall. My hands start shaking. I can't believe him he's just like every other person he lies to me. In the end he will finish telling you to die as well just like everyone else! You can't believe him Emily! I try to hold the knife in place so i can cut but he grabs the knife "Emily Don't. Give it to me. Now." he says more sternly. I put my hand down with the knife and pull up my long sleeve. "Emily No Stop Now. or I will Wake Brandon Up and we are taking you to the hospital." he says holding my hand not letting it go. I slide down to the floor and more tears start poring down my cheeks. I grab the knife and start slicing my wrist. Alex turns on his phone texting someone then kneels down next to me and tries to make me stop. I pull away from him and continue cutting deeper every time. He looks at me then at the staircase. Brandon come down a minute later. Alex keeps trying but i just push away until i'm in the corner. Brandon comes to me and also tries but I go deeper this time but it doesn't help. Soon Ty, Evan and Ana came downstairs. Ty looks at me for a bit then sits in-front of me. He touches my leg making me flinch. "Hey calm down princess. Give that to me. Please" I shake my head no and he sighs looking at Ana who grabs my left arm. I was going to push her away when Ty grabs the other one. "L-let M-Me G-Go!" I say but they just look at me in the eyes trying to figure them out. I close my eyes and I try to set free but I can't push them off. "Emily Stop Now." Ana says and holds me down along with Ty. I try using my feet to push them off but they are smarter than me and easily hold me down. Tears roll down my face faster and faster. I feel myself becoming weak. I manage to set free, I  grab my pocket knife from my back pocket. "Em Don't." Ty says as i cut my arm not to deep. He gets me back under his strength and I keep fighting but I give up, they're both stronger than me by far. A soft sob escapes my lips. They notice and Ty pulls me up into a hug. I wrap my arms around his neck crying. He rubs my back softly and whispers things in my ear that calm me down. I calm down and rub my eyes wiping the tears away. "Better baby girl?" he asks but i just look down. Ana comes to me and makes me look at her. "What is it Jade?" she asks but i just shake my head and try standing up but i get dizzy. I use the sink to balance and wash my bloody arms but they keep bleeding, I just pull my sleeves down ignoring the blood. I rest my elbows in the sink edge and my face in hands. I sigh and feel someone rub my back softly. I wipe my eyes and look at who it is. It's Brandon who is rubbing my back. He pulls me into a hug, i try not to cry but i can't avoid it. Evan comes into the hug and we stay like that until I calm down and take a deep breath instantly regretting it, my ribs and stomach has been bugging me a lot. "What is it?" Alex asks. i shake my head "it's nothing, i'm ok." but i start coughing blood in my sleeve making it obvious i am not ok. I hide the blood by closing my hand and pretending it was nothing. "Oh really then why are you coughing blood?" he says and opens my hand up. "it's nothing i'm going to be ok." i say "no you won't Em" says Ty catching my attention  "they need to know, this is getting out of hand and I really don't want to see you in a hospital...or...or in a coffin" he says holding back tears. "i'm going to be ok, ok? This is normal to me. This happens every year, I know i'm going to be ok." "It gets worst every year tho" says Ana as she tries to hold back tears as well. "It's normal that's what they told us. It will get worst through the years until it's time." I say and hug her as she silently cries, I rub her back until she's calm "But it can be prevented with a simple visit to the hospital and the right meds." She says looking at me with pleading eyes. "Ana I can't... I can't be near a hospital. I just can't." I say looking away from her. "You can you just don't want to." Ty says. I look at him "I can't Ty. I would probably get killed... That doesn't sound so bad now that i think about it but still I'm not going to go to a hospital while i'm stable and-" "You're not stable." says Evan. "I am stable and conscious still." i say to him "You're not mentally nor physically stable. Earlier today you weren't mentally conscious either." he says and looks at Brandon for support that he grands by nodding at him. "I can be worst. I have been worst and something you all need to understand is that my health status is not going to get any better. I don't want nor can be near a hospital while i'm conscious." "You know we can easily take you if you fall asleep or faint right?" Alex says. I look at them and say "Thanks for letting me know, I will make sure not to sleep and i'm not feeling well, i'll be at my place. See you guys later." I say turning around and started to walk to the door. "What place?" Evan asks "I don't know probably the bar, bridge or maybe the house that i own here in Houston." he nods and come to me, he looks at me then says "i'm going with you. You're not going to go drink or to kill yourself. I care to much to let that happen." I look at the floor and say "I need some alone time. Tell Blake i'm at my place he will know where to look for me." "Em... Fine you're not going to the hospital for now but don't leave." Ana says. I shake my head no and say "I wasn't going to the hospital anyway and I don't need your permission. I don't feel well and if i'm going to the hospital while im not conscious then i'm going to go somewhere where i can be on my own." i say and walk to the kitchen door. "you can't drive in this condition Emely you're going to get yourself in a car crash" says Alex. I nod "if I get in a car crash I hope I die but if I don't it's because i'm not in the car accident I have driven in worst condition." I say and walk out the house. I walk out and I remember I didn't bring my sweater nor keys. I go into the Jeep turning it on with the extra key. I drive to the bridge and sit in the edge. Thinking of how easy it would be to just jump off. I look up at the moon and stars talking to my mom and Elena.