Messed up...for Life

WTF!

Emily P.O.V.

I hear my heartbeat in my ears and my face is burning up as my shaking hand holds the blade at my wrist. I slowly slide the shiny friend across my wrist. "ED! Come eat!" Matt yells from downstairs to Ed. They finally gave up on trying to make me eat. They finally understood it was useless. I press the blade as it crosses my wrist upward. I take a deep breath as I feel the blood on my face go cold and my heartbeat slowing down. I wash the blade and my wrist before going out my bathroom into my bedroom. I lay down in my bed. I still can't get used to my bed and it's already a month since we have been here. It's December the first. A month since Chips died. Few weeks since Ethan's death. Few days since the Thanksgiving event. An hour since I was outside. A minute since I cut. A second since I been suicidal. I feel my heartbeat start racing again, my anxiety rising and my suicide tendencies growing. I think of cutting but that doesn't work. I think of killing myself but I decide to do something that might be better...I hope.

 I run down my room and down the stairs. I walk into the kitchen to see them all eating together. Brandon, Matt, and Evan look up to me, Alex is talking with Ty. Brandon notices my breathing. "Em, come join us," Matt says but I shake my head no and grabbed the wall. I rub my eyes clearing my blurry vision. "Em, go to my office I'll be there in a bit," Brandon says, I nod doing as told. I slowly and cautiously walk to the office and sit outside noticing it was closed. Brandon comes after like five minutes. "Hey little one, look at me," he says kneeling down and I do as told. He sighs and reaches down to help me up. I stand up and he brings me into a tight hug. I pull away knowing I was a burden. He opens his office and walks in, me trailing behind him. He closes the door and bring me into another hug, I let it happen this time I hug him back and angrily start crying. He pulls me back softly and wipes my tears away. "What's the matter little one? You look dead and anxious, your eyes are silver as always," he asks and I look down but can't stay still. "I-I feel v-very anxious and-d f-feel like-e cutting... I-I want to-o d-die..." I stutter and he brings me into a hug. "I am glad you came to talk to me instead of doing something hurtful. Did you cut?" he asks. "Y-Yes... In my arms, I w-want to die-e. I w-want to di-e!" I say angrily to myself. "No, you don't you're just confused and you feel alone... something you aren't," he says and I look down. "Let me see," he says as he grabs my wrist. I let him. He rubs his fingers over my cut wrist and slightly pulls me to his desk where he made me lean on as he went to go get something. He comes back with things to make stitches. "Sit down would you love?" he says sitting me down and places my arm on my thigh to start making the stitches. I bit my lip and enjoyed the slight pain that came from the needle. He stops and I look up then back down. "When...when we were at the hotel back at El Paso, I was cleaning your cuts and I said 'Shh Shh look at me' and you turned just like you did right now and stared at as if remembering something...why?" he asks and I look back down.

**Flashback***

I was so into the blood I didn't notice the teen coming next to me until I felt his hand on my wrist and I jump. I look up at him and he says "don't cut sweetheart it is not worth it. You can stay strong I believe in you, you are a warrior and a strong person." I clutter " I-I'm not s-strong, i can't" He makes me look at his shiny from tears blue eyes and says "I believe in you, now give me the blade and talk to me" I look at him and say "I can't tell you and thank you" he took my blade away and grabbed the first aid kit I hadn't notice was next to me and said "Ok I understand but you have to promise me you will try your best to stay strong." He then but something in my wrist that stinks and I try to pull away only for him to keep grip on my hand and say "shh shh it all ok look at me" I concentrated at him and forgot about the stinging as he worked on my wrist I said "I promise and thank you" when he was done I hugged him and he hugs back making sure not to tighten his grip too much. I guess he saw dad.