(FINISHED)Chim - Stop Crying Your Heart Out Of

Chapter 60

Cheryl's POV:

I slowly woke up trying to open my eyes but feeling too tired. I managed to open my eyes very slightly to see Kimberley wasn't next to me. Instead she was sat over on the big chair, cradling Calleigh in her arms rocking her and softly speaking to her. She didn't realise I was awake yet so I shut my eyes and listened to what she was saying.

"...and me and your mammy love you very much. And Elise. And so does Auntie Nadine, auntie Nicola and auntie Sarah. And everyone. We'll never stop loving you." then she kissed her on the head and just stared at her.

I cleared my throat a bit to let Kimberley know I was awake.

"Who's that?" Kimberley smiled at Calleigh "Is that mammy?"

Kimberley stood up still holding Calleigh and walked over to sit down next to me on the bed. She leaned down and kissed me. It felt like ages since I had kissed her. So I deepened the kiss, my tongue asking for entrance which she granted. Once we finally parted I looked down at Calleigh who was now fast asleep again. The famous Kimberley pout adorned on her lips as she slept. My heart immediately warmed. I looked up at Kimberley who had tears in her eyes while staring at Calleigh in her arms.

"What's up babe?" I asked

"I just can't believe our babies our finally here."

"Nor can I, they're so beautiful"

"Hopefully we can see Elise today." Kimberley sighed.

"We better be able to. I feel bad I haven't spent much time with her." I said sadly

"That's no ones fault Cheryl, I wish we could spend more time with her but we can't sit in the neonatal unit all day everyday. I'm sure they'll let us up there today." Kimberley put her arm around me and held me tight. She put her chin on the top of my head and stroked up and down my arm lightly with the tips of her fingers.

"Your mum is coming down for two weeks or so to help out with the babies and get us settled." Kimberley said breaking the silence.

"Aye I gathered she would, she'll probably try kidnapping 'em!" I laughed

"And fatten them up like she does with Coco and Buster" Kimberley laughed back

"Aw bless her soul" I chuckled.

****

The girls came back again to see us and see how we're all doing. They looked better now that they had caught up on their sleep. Lucky for some.

The nurse came in to check on Calleigh.

"Would you like to try breastfeeding her?" She asked to me.

"Umm.." I said shyly looking awkwardly at the girls who were sat across the room

"Don't worry Chez we wont look...well Kimba might" Sarah laughed

The girls looked away and the nurse handed Calleigh to me. I was really nervous about feeding her like this.

The nurse talked me through step by step. But Calleigh wouldn't take any milk from me.

After 15 minutes of trying she still done nothing and I was getting really worried. I started getting really emotional and teary.

The nurse took Calleigh of me and laid her back down in the cot next to my bed and walked out to collect something.

I started sniffling and trying my best to hold back my tears. I don't even know why I was getting so emotional over it.

"I'm a bad mum! I can't even breastfeed me own baby!" I cried into Kimberley

"Shh babe you're not a bad mum. These things happen. Maybe Calleigh prefers being bottle fed, most babies do. You're not doing anything wrong."

The nurse walked back in with a bottle of milk. I rubbed the tears away from my eyes.

"Sweetie it's nothing to get emotional about, this happens to a lot of babies." The nurse reassured me.

She passed Calleigh to me again and got me to feed her, but this time with a bottle

I done everything I was supposed to do and she still wouldn't suck on the bottle. We kept trying for a little longer but still nothing. I started getting emotional again because something was obviously wrong.

"We'll have to monitor her when she's being fed, but for now she's going to have to be tube fed. It's important that she gets the food, drink and nutrients she needs so this is the only way for now."

"Okay thankyou" Kimberley said.

I just sat there staring at the wall. What kind of mum can't even feed their own baby? What kind of mum am I gonna be when we take the twins home? Negative thoughts and questions circling my mind.

Out of no where I broke out with tears, unable to keep it in. Kimberley cuddled me and did everything she could to keep me falling positive.

Sometimes it feels like good things aren't allowed to happen to us. Elise was on the neonatal unit fighting for her life and we weren't even allowed to see her. And Calleigh can't get milk into her system on her own, meaning she needed to be tube fed. And if that doesn't work then she'll end up starved or dehydrated. Or maybe I was over thinking. But why does these things have to happen everytime things are going good? as if we're cursed or something.