Querencia

66

Eunjae was still sitting in the bathroom stall. With each passing second, he was growing more and more fond of the idea to flush himself down the toilet and get swept away with all the other pieces of shit in this school. 

People had come and gone, paying no mind to the unstable boy in the last stall. Eunjae was just accepting the fact that he was meaningless, when a knock interrupted his pity party.

".... Eunjae? Are you okay?" 

Eunjae had not expected anyone to come for him. Maybe Joshua, but he doubted that would happen. Or Minghao, if he wasn't so upset.

Instead, he was stuck with the worst person ever coming to check on him.

He considered keeping quiet, to see if Jeonghan would go away.

"Don't ignore me Eunjae. You know I don't like that."

It was no use.

With a heavy sigh, made for Jeonghan to hear, Eunjae heaved himself up and opened the door. 

"No offense," full offense, "but why are you here?"

Jeonghan huffed, backing up to allow Eunjae to go to the sink. Behind him, Jeonghan starting fixing his hair, "look, obviously I'm worried about you. We did used to be friends, you know. Before you ditched me."

Eunjae rolled his eyes, "it's not like I left you alone. I couldn't handle it, after..."

"Yeah, whatever, what's done is done. We don't need to get into it. Honestly, Josh told me to come after you. Something about making us all mushy mushy buddy buddy again."

"Not happening," Eunjae scowled.

"Whatever. You're glad it's me, you know why?"

"To help me literally want to die?" 

Jeonghan curled his lip up, "no. Because I'm not gonna bullshit you. And you don't have to explain yourself to me." 

Eunjae was about to protest, when he realized it was true. He turned to Jeonghan, raising his eyebrows. "... Go on."

Jeonghan smirked, flipping his hair over his shoulder. "Well, let's see. You're a paranoid closeted gay boy. Your equally gay friend wants to be open in a relationship, but you're too scared to even come out. How am I doing so far?" 

Eunjae clenched his jaw, crossing his arms across his chest and leaning against the sink.

"Perfect, let's continue. You obviously like Minghao, so you've probably promised you'll change for him, blah blah blah." Jeonghan, to his credit, managed to look almost sad. "But Eunjae, come on, be real here. Are you really going to?"

Eunjae looked like he'd been kicked in the stomach. 

"Yeah, now, look, I'm sure you thought you were telling the truth, but now, are you still sure?" 

Eunjae wished he could speak, and tell Jeonghan that he was wrong, that he was an idiot for doubting Eunjae, but he couldn't. Because it would be a lie, and he couldn't lie to Jeonghan.

"Yeah, that's what I thought. Someone so much as mentions boyfriend to you, and you go puke your guts out. So, you've got to think really hard about what to do next. Are you gonna keep lying, or are you gonna let Minghao go so he can find something better, something real?"

Now Eunjae felt like throwing up all over again, and he took a few steps towards the stall.

"Or! Or, are you going to grow some balls and get over your fears?" 

Eunjae froze. He wanted so badly to do it, to do anything to keep Minghao by his side. But could he really do it?

"You ran away last time you had someone you cared about. What about this time? What will you do? You know you can't let Minghao wait forever."

Eunjae groaned, what could he do? He didn't want Minghao to be with anyone else, but if Minghao couldn't be happy with him, Eunjae needed to let him go. Was he willing to do that, just to keep his sexuality a secret?

"Just think about it. Oh, and brush your teeth, I can smell your breath from here, and it's not pleasant."

Jeonghan was almost out the door when Eunjae found his voice.

"Hey, wait!"

Jeonghan paused, turning to glance at Eunjae.

"You should tell Joshua how you feel more often. And tell him he's pretty," Eunjae smiled, "he'll like that." 

Jeonghan was confused, but he nodded nonetheless.