Exotica

Close To You

♡ Amini Howard ♡

The sunlight seeping through the cream colored curtains wake me from my slumber. I stretch my limbs and look down at Quinten who was still asleep. His strong arms were tightly around my waist while his head was placed upon my abdomen. I smile small and run my fingers through his blonde curls. "I hope you slept well." I whisper to him as I reach for my phone on the night stand.

Unlocking it, I go straight to my text messages; ignoring the ones from my parents since I truly had nothing to say to them nor did I want to hear anything from them. There was no use in apologizing for something you know you're not sorry for.

My mother wasn't sorry at all. She knew exactly what she was doing and knew the outcome but once she was comforted, she wanted to put on this fake apology act hoping that I'd just brush all the traumatic shit I've been through back under the rug.

As I continue to play in his hair I look through the messages I had from Almasi. I wasn't ignoring her like I did with my parents but I also wasn't replying to her messages. I truly didn't want to speak about anything pertaining that therapy session because if I did, I'd cry over it.

I'm healing and when one heals you don't continue to pick at the wound. You leave it alone and let it heal on it's own free will; that's exactly what I was doing and if that meant being distant with my sister for a while then that's what I'll do. I lock my phone and look down at him when I hear him say something. "What did you say babe?" I ask, running my fingertips along his bare back.

"En este punto no lo merezco." He mumbles turning over. I sigh and place my phone down, leaning over to try and look at him. "You know that I don't understand Spanish right." I tell him. He shrugs his broad shoulders and pulls the white bedsheets over his body; sighing, I run my fingers through my curls. It has been two days since we've been in this room together. Although we slept together, skin against skin, feeling the rhythmic beat of one another's heart we were distant. There was so much space in this bed, sheets traveling miles on miles. I found myself dreaming about his beautiful smile since it has yet to appear upon his face. Our souls seemed to be playing a game of tug of war and sadly, mine was losing.

The harder I tried to reach out to him the more he became disant with me and I didn't know why because this wasn't of him. Quinten was naturally a calm and quiet person but this....this is the kind of silence that brings worry to my soul. He doesn't speak to me and if he does, it's in Spanish and I only know about three words in Spanish so I'm unaware of what it is he is trying to tell me but, if he really wanted me to know he'd speak to me in English right?

"Talk to me please." I plea, kissing his shoulder. He sighs and turns on his back, looking up at the ceiling above our bodies. "There's nothing to talk about." He utters which instantly makes a smile tug at my lips. My heart felt a rush of relief after hearing him speak to me in English but seconds later it tightened and that heavy feeling that I've been feeling for the last two days returned.

I realized that everything he had said to me over the years was true. When he said we were connected I just thought that he meant we had a deep love for one another but I'm starting to realize that it's much more than that. I truly feel his pain as I lay beside him. My heart has become heavy just as his and my emotions resemble his as well. He and I are truly connected but unfortunately not enough because if I was so connected to his like he says I'd be able to understand why he is currently in this state of melancholy.

Biting down on my lip, I run my fingers along his tatted chest as I stare at him. His eyes were closed and his faced show no type of emotion other than his nostrils slightly flaring with every inhale he took. "I just want to help you like you've helped me." I state, tossing my leg over his waist, hositing myself on his body. Watching him pretend as if he was unaffected hurt me because I knew that he was. I knew that something was bothering him and I knew that he wanted me to pretend like everything was fine like he did but, I simply couldn't. I won't.