Exotica

Save Myself

I'm shook at the fact that yesterday's update is nearly already at 300 reads to be fucking honest, so to show my appreciation it's only right for me to hit y'all with another update,
thank you and enjoy 💚💚💚

♤ Quinten Salazar ♤

I pull into the driveway, park my vehicle and turn the engine off. I then step out and begin to walk up the driveway of my home, getting a glismpe of piled up boxes outside on the door steps, assuming that they're mine, I walk over to them and pick them up just as the front door opens.

My wife engages in a conversation with Jabari as the two of them step outside, stopping once looking at me. I purse my lips and smile at her, a week had gone by since I talked to her about the divorce and this was the first time seeing her face to face. I will admit that it felt refreshing but heartbreaking at the same time. The last thing I wanted was to file for divorce, I'd go through hell and back for this women a million times but, I do not have that same energy nor mentality when it comes to myself. I want to be with her and grow with her but in order to do that I have to be able to grow for myself, I haven't been doing that these last months.

I've been stressing, smoking and disregarding my own spiritual beliefs. I honestly have no idea when the last time I had a mediation session, my life is not what it used to be, I cannot sit here and blame her for it either. Most people would but, she did not force me to do any of this, she may have played a part in it but never did she force me, I have my own blood on my hands and I own up to it. Jabari gives me a subtle head nod before walking pass me and down the driveway to his vehicle. "These are all of my things?" I inquire?

"No," she steps aside opening the door to give me room to step in. I enter our home and glance around at the bare walls, everything had been taken down and stored away in a box or beside a box ready to be transferred to our-her new home. "Your stuff is still in our room, I didn't feel right packing it for you." She mumbkes to me, pulling her pink shirt down that was riding up, exposing her baby bump. "When is our next doctor appointment?" I ask, honestly forgetting about the date.

"It's in like two weeks, I'm officially six and a half months today." She informs me, smiling a little. "We have two and a half more months." I smile as I make my way up the stairs. "Yeah and I can't wait this pregnancy is killing me." She mumbles following right behind me. Once we reach our bedroom I walk over to the closet and grab a suitcase, I begin to take my clothes off the hangers and fold them as best as I could before putting them away. Amini stands behind me in silence and watches which makes me feel a bit uncomfortable. There was tension in the air, I felt it as soon as I stepped into our home but played it off just as she.

"How bad did I mess up for us to end up this far gone; did I really dig a whole that deep?" I remain silent and try to act as if I did not hear what she asked but she calls my name then repeats herself which gives me no other option but to engage in a conversation with her. "It's just a lot, Amini."

"A lot of what; what did I do so bad that this was our last resort, we're really getting a divorce, you're moving out and I'm trying to stay s-sane. But this is so hard for me. I can't stop thinking about you, and the fact that I'm about to bring a child in this world as a single mother breaks my fucking h-heart. We're supposed to do this together and I know that once this is over and done with I'll be the one left alone."

"I felt alone for months...." I zip up one of my suitcases and toss it to the side before going to the next one "I put so much energy into you, our love and everything you believed in. I claimed your pain as mine and no matter how much hurt I was going through I made sure that you were okay, I gave and gave until I had nothing left to give, not even to myself." The feeling of a lump forming in my throat causes me to stop talking. I lick over my lips and look at my wife who had tears coming from her coffee colored eyes. Seeing them hurt me but, it's the truth I cannot apologize for how I feel. I cannot hide my emotions any longer, it's time that I tell the full on truth.  "We as human beings are destine to radiant or drain one another. You did nothing but drain me, moonlight." Throughout my life I've always made sure to give as much as I could to whoever I crossed paths with. My parents raised me to always give because it's said that it's better to give than to receive but I think that I went to the extreme with it.