Exotica

Love Gon' Go

♡ Amini Salazar ♡

"Maaa!" Ixora yells while constantly hitting me on my shoulder.

"Why you beating on me for?" I ask her as I sit up, pulling her onto my lap. "Who needs an alarm clock when you have a hungry eight month old." I mumble to myself while getting out of bed. I place Ixora on my hip then walk down the stairs of my loft.

"Eat!" She yells in my ear.

"Girl, why are you so loud at," reaching the the floor of my apartment I glance at the clock on the stove. "Six in the morning, you straight wildin' sis." I express.

"Why do you talk to her like she knows what you're saying?" Yesenia asks, entering the kitchen. I walk over to Ixora's high chair and place her in it before replying to my daughter.

"She knows what I'm saying, trust me."

"Eat Eat!" Ixora yells banging her hands on her high chair table.

"Okay, I gotchu calm down." I can't even take my morning pee or brush my teeth first, goodness. Sauntering over to refrigerator I take out a container of blueberries long with strawberries; her favorite. "So what are we doing for daddy's birthday?" Yesenia asks.

"We're surprising him at his office today with a cake and some gifts then we're going out for lunch. You guys had time to wrap your gifts, right?" I ask her as I cut the tops off of Ixora's strawberries then cut them into small slices. "Yeah, I wrapped mine last night so are you and daddy finally moving back in together, I heard you guys talking about it last month then you told Kendall that you were thinking about selling this place?"

"You just all up in my business, huh? Staying in a child's place don't mean anything to you." I state, placing Ixora's fruit down in front of her.

"I'm almost eighteen." She informs me.

"You have seven months until we cross that bridge and even then if you're still living with your dad and I then you'll still have to remain in a child's place."

"So you and daddy are moving back in together!?"

"Where did I say- you know what let me go shower and get ready for today, watch your sister for me and call your grandparents to let them know that we're on our way to pick up your siblings." I exhale before leaving out the kitchen to get ready for today. My husband is thirty-eight now. I met him when he was thirty-two, time fucking flies and he's almost forty not to mention we just had our two year anniversary last month which was bitter sweet to me. Things still are not sitting well with me and I feel bad about it because my mind is making me think as if it's my fault when I know that it's not.

Quinten is still having a hard time with Cyarra's passing. Today she would've been thirty-seven and last week he told me that he wanted to skip his birthday since he knew that his sister wouldn't be around to celebrate it with him nor call him and at first I was okay with it, I respected his wishes but his mother had other plans, plans I think my husband would be happy about especially after all the distance we've all been going through. Our family is still not where it needs to be but I have yet to give up. I know my husband hasn't given up either he's just in a hard place right now and wants space which I have given him. Actually, after that night he came home covered in blood I decided to just keep my distance, being under the same roof is just not what's best for the two of us right now.

Not to mention, he's using sex to cope with what he's going through, we don't talk anymore all we do is fuck around and I'd be lying if I said that it made me feel all types of hurt because there's no passion in it anymore, he shows up, fucks me then goes on with the rest of his night or day, I feel no love or connection with it but still, I'm not giving up on him nor our family and marriage.