We Can't (Jumin x Zen)

I'm Nothing

*earlier that day as Jumin left for work*

"I love you too Hyun!" Jumin yelled.

Zen smiled as he heard Jumin shut the door.

That smile was suddenly overpowered by a groan and a massive fart.

"Oops" Zen muttered.

Zen finished up on the toilet and washed his hands.

"Damn Jumin fucking poisoned me" he thought out loud, "what was even in that food?!"

Zen walked out into his bedroom looking at the disheveled bed and smiled.

Two people slept here last night... not just me... alone.

Zen neatly made the bed and cleaned up the breakfast dishes.

Is this what it's like to be in a relationship? Zen thought as he was scrubbing some dishes.

He goes off and does the work and I...

Zen stopped.

"What do I do"

Zen looked at the plate he was washing.

Is this what it's going to be like from now on? He thought.

Stay home alone while he makes a living.

Zen sighed and chuckled.

What I do now doesn't even make a living. Acting has been awfully slow lately. I'm late on paying my air conditioning bills, my credit card bill, and my insurance.

I keep borrowing money and hoping for the best but the truth is...

"The truth is...." Zen paused "I'm nothing"

Zen slammed his fist on the counter top, tears forming in his eyes.

"I'm fucking nothing" he repeated.

"NOTHING" he yelled.

Zen sank to the floor head between his knees.

I've been thinking about this in the back of my mind for the longest time... why does it all come out now?

I just keep lying to myself that I will make it in acting, I will get my big break soon, my fans will notice me again.

I'm just nothing anymore.

Rumors say my agent is washed up, Zen chuckled, well I guess they're right.

But I don't have money to hire someone else, and I don't have the connections to branch off on my own.

And Jumin.... I can't ask that of him.

I don't know when I would be able to pay him back, if ever in fact!

Zen started laughing and crying.

"I wouldn't be able to ever pay him back because I'm nothing!!!"

I'm just holding him back.

Jumin he fucking travels the world for business trips, making connections and deals for his company... and what am I?!

Zen sniffled wiping his eyes.

I love him so fucking much.

And I'm selfish because I'm just lonely. I just want someone there...

But I'm being selfish and holding him back. He wouldn't be able to devote himself to his work because he'll always be worrying about me.

And I can't let him do that.

Zen cried louder.

I'm just selfish...

I have to end this... for his sake.

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Ahhh emotions!!! Noooooooo :(((