A Malec Story

Chapter 55: I say your name

Magnus

When does a scar
Become a tattoo
When does the sky
Fade back to blue
When does this broken
Heart that I'm holding
Beat on its own

When do I stop
Feeling this burn
When do I live
When will I learn
When will I realize
That look in your eyes
Won't come back

I'm out here
Standing in the pouring rain
Tick tock
Hours all feel the same
I say your name
I say your name
Well I'm right here
Running just as fast as I can
And I swear
I never wanna do this again
I say your name
I say your name

I try to be strong
But I keep dreaming of you
Oh I really wish
This was easy to do
But I've never felt this
Tied up and helpless
And all that I know
Is you're gone
How do I let go

I'm out here
Standing in the pouring rain
Tick tock
Hours all feel the same
I say your name
I say your name
Well I'm right here
Running just as fast as I can
And I swear
I never wanna do this again
I say your name
I say your name

Well I know
That someday
This pain
It will fade
But right now
I can't escape
How I feel
I wanna scream

- Plumb, I Say Your Name

Magnus was lying in bed, staring at the letter he'd received last night. Reading the message over and over again. He couldn't believe it. It couldn't be true. There was no reality in which it could possibly be true. And yet, here it was.

Magnus, my darling.

You know I love you, right? And I want what's best for you. Your Shadowhunter boyfriend is not it. Did you know he went to me behind your back? Lilith's minions had taken me from the Sanctuary and bound me up in some building at the Upper East Side. He met me there and I made a deal with him. He would free me and I would help him make you mortal. We met a few times after that. I told him to kill Raphael Santiago for me, he wouldn't do it. Shadowhunters and their laws, huh? He wanted you mortal though. The poor boy, he wanted to grow old with you and die with you. We both know that will never happen.

So, now that you know he tried to shorten your life you can finally leave him behind. Mortals, they will only ever break your heart. Either by dying, by betraying you or leaving you. They're all the same, Magnus. Like hours in the day. Leave the boy, and leave those obnoxious Shadowhunters. Pretty boys have always been your undoing. Now choose me.

Considering you might not believe me, come to the subway tunnels under the City Hall Station tomorrow morning and you'll find him there, looking for me.

Yours forever,

Camille

It was not true. Magnus shook his head. Camille was a liar and manipulator, she was lying to him now, too.

But if she were that good a manipulator, she could've manipulated Alec as well. And knowing Alec, he was innocent, young and new to the world. He wouldn't immediately cut through her cunning ways, with her century's worth of practice. He could have been snared into her webs easily.

Magnus got out of bed, staring at the other side of the bed, which was cold and empty. Alec was gone. Magnus hoped he was off to the Institute, to check on Jace, who was still in the infirmary after being stabbed by the Angel's sword. But he wasn't sure.

If everything had been fine between them he wouldn't have considered Camille's message for a second. But everything wasn't fine. Despite Alec's despair when he thought Magnus was dying, there still was a remoteness in Alec every time they were alone together. A remoteness Magnus couldn't grasp. He remembered the way Alec used to look at him, his face lighting up, his mouth turning into a smile, because he was happy to see him. But that look, Magnus hadn't seen it in Alec's eyes for what seemed like a long time now.