A Malec Story

Chapter 74: You Are My First So Many Things

You are my first so many things

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

- Matthew 6:34

Magnus

The Cold Peace was ridiculous. It would mean problems with all faeries all over the world forever, and the only thing that could possibly happen in the future was an explosion and a war. It was like the Cold Peace after the First World War. That peace had led Germany to bankruptcy and to Hitler, which led to the Second World War. The Shadowhunters didn't care about that, about mundane history or about leniency. They were a harsh people, with no mercy.

Magnus left the Hall as soon as it was possible to leave without being rude. Only the most influential of Shadowhunters were staying to discuss technicalities. The Downworld representatives were supposed to stay too, but Magnus had enough of it.

He'd seen Alec leave soon after the Clave had voted for the exile of Helen Blackthorn, only because the girl had faerie blood in her. Alec's face had been closed off but Magnus had seen the anger in his eyes because of the injustice. Alec wasn't like them, these harsh and merciless Shadowhunters. Alec would've said that Helen couldn't help it, she was born like this and hadn't done anything wrong. There was nothing to be done about it, those who voted against her exile were a small minority.

Magnus descended the stairs of the Hall and stood still for a moment in Angel's Square, thinking back at the party they'd had here after the Mortal War. How happy he and Alec had been then. Now the Dark War had ended and Magnus didn't feel any of that happiness. He felt scared, vulnerable and nervous instead. His hand traveled to his pocket where he'd put the black notebook. His resolve hardened. It was time, high time to face his demons and find Alec, talk things through with him and pray to God he'll take him back.

He turned towards the street where the Inquisitor's house was and walked hurriedly, wanting to get to Alec. When he reached the house an inexplicable feeling made him look up and he saw him there, sitting on the roof, his legs dangling over the edge, staring off in the distance. Magnus felt his heart jump at the sight of him and he hurried to the door, snapped his fingers to open it, unwilling to knock and wait for Isabelle to answer, not even knowing if she was home. Robert and Maryse were still in the Hall and he had no idea where Jace and Clary were.

He climbed up the stairs, fighting the urge to run, with every step he grew more nervous. On the second floor he entered the room that was closest to where Alec was sitting. It was Alec's own bedroom, Magnus knew that instantly. An ugly sweater lay on the bed and Alec's shoes stood next to the door. The window was open and Magnus climbed through it, looking at Alec, who still sat there, his back to him. His shoulders were tense and Magnus could almost read his thoughts. He was probably blaming himself for Helen's exile.

"You couldn't have done anything. Don't punish yourself," he said, as he carefully moved down over the roof to the gutter. He saw Alec flinch at the sound of his voice.

"How'd you get up here?" he asked.

Magnus went to sit down next to Alec, further away than he wanted, but scared to be too close, too soon. Alec had told him in Edom he wanted him more than he wanted the world. But still, Magnus wasn't completely sure of Alec's willingness to take him back.

He saw Alec looking at him, a look of longing mixed with wariness, and it was the latter that scared Magnus.

"I should have said something," Alec said. "I voted against sending her away."

"I know," said Magnus, shaking his head. "You and about ten other people. It was overwhelmingly in favor. People get scared, and they take it out on anyone they think is different. It's the same cycle I've seen a thousand times."