A Malec Story

Chapter 60: When Heavenly Fire Burns

When Heavenly Fire Burns

"Mortals die," said Catarina. "You have always known that, and yet you've loved them before."

"Not," Magnus said, "like this."

- City of Heavenly Fire, chapter 5, Message of Revenge, page 137.

Magnus

Oh...Oh... Magnus, you are impossibly stupid.

Catarina's words echoed in his head as he left the Hunter's Moon on his way home, to portal to Idris.

Am I?

If that's the way you feel, you should be with him.

She'd convinced him then to go to Idris in her stead. There was a council meeting planned in a few days and the representatives of Downworld were required to come. Magnus had asked her to take his place but now she gave it back. Sending him to Idris, to Alec, to be with him.

Magnus wasn't convinced, even though he'd let her persuade him to go. There had been an attack on the werewolves of the Praetor Lupus, Sebastian had killed them all, including that cute werewolf boy, Jordan. Magnus felt compelled to go to Idris to contact Luke. As the leader of the New York werewolf pack he needed to know what had happened.

So he went, but could he really go see Alec? And tell him what? That he was going to change for him? Magnus didn't know if he could do that, he also didn't know if he should burden Alec with false hope. And yet, his whole body, his mind, his heart and his soul ached for Alec. He felt restless without him, as if he'd lost his footing and didn't know where to stand in this world anymore. All the peace his Shadowhunter warrior had given to him was taken away the moment he'd broken up with him. And he really wanted it back.

In his apartment he grabbed the black spiral-bound notebook and, in a moment of sentimentality, the box with the Tiger Eye ring. Then he made a portal and went to Idris, to Luke's house in Alicante. He felt a tinge of excitement, the prospect of possibly seeing Alec again was invigorating him. Catarina made a good point, if he loved him like he did, he should hold on and never let go. But Magnus felt uncertain. Not only about his own incapability to change or his love for Alec, but because of who Alec was.

Alec was a Shadowhunter. Blessed by the Angel, a chosen one. Alec was true and beautiful, inside and outside, faithful and loving. Alec was everything Magnus was not. Magnus was a child of a fallen angel. And as a child of a fallen angel, he was fallen, himself.

And Alec was mortal, mortal and therefore temporary. And that which was temporary almost always broke your heart.

No, Magnus wasn't sure. He loved him so much, more than he thought he was able to love anyone, after all this time of being alive and walking this earth. But was love enough?

Alec

Alec was frustrated with how things had ended between him and Magnus before he portalled to Idris. When Magnus had broken up with him, he'd held hope that they would overcome it. That one day Magnus would forgive him and take him back. But now it turned out he had already forgiven him and it wasn't the reason they weren't together.

Magnus was solidifying. Unable to change, unwilling to try. And for the first time since they broke up, Alec realized that Magnus's unwillingness to open up was the biggest problem their relationship held. It wasn't about Alec not able to deal with Magnus's immortality. It was Magnus who wasn't dealing with it. Alec had wanted to shake him, beg him to change. But he couldn't and Magnus had walked away.

And now he was in Idris without him. There was a war coming with Sebastian and Alec felt in his blood that this war was bigger than anything he'd encountered before. Magnus had told him about his dream of the city filled with blood. It was impending doom.