Abandoned ✔️

Chapter 26- wrong on so many levels

Chapter 26- wrong on so many levels

I sit in lunch, looking down at a blood red apple in my hands, surrounded by my friends as they are all eating and talking.

It has been quite a while since my tremors started and a longer time since I started getting back on drugs.

I can't do this to them.

I can't lie to them.

Everyday they ask me, how I am. I lie straight to their face, just like that, and say I'm fine whereas I'm terrified. My tremors are getting worse by every second and the hallucinations with them.

I need someone to talk to. I need someone to tell me it's alright. I need someone to get me off the drugs.

I can't do this alone.

I really can't.

Which is the reason I take drugs. They help me take my mind off the tremors and believe there is something for me in life.

It has been almost a week since I visited the hospital. Every night, I look at the card that doctor gave me and wait to call her.

Talking to her was so satisfying that I want to talk to her again. Maybe, she could help me.

I remember the way she looked at me. After telling her about my abandonment, she pitied me and looked at me as if she saw her lost daughter in me.

I sigh and take a bite of the apple, apparently sweetest one of its kind on the face of the earth. I look around to find everyone happy and laughter echoed the cafeteria.

Then there I was: sitting down, covered in my own sadness, drowning in my own depression, nervous to fight, tired of all the lies, struggling to stay afloat.

Does no one notice that?

I sigh and try to remove all the negative thoughts out of my mind and fill them up with positive ones.

Like them. My friends. Whom I love and adore until the very end.

Like my love for singing. Which I do to help me balance out my life, to help me keep myself in check, and not die of drug overdose.

These heavy thoughts weighing in my brain like they own the place. I let them in. I made a door for negativity to enter my mind, to invade my mind.

In all these heavy thoughts taking over, I look at someone who's the total opposite. Whom I'd call, the light of my world, just like my friends. Someone who keeps me in check, someone who cares about me.

No.

I can't let him. I can't let him care about me. He doesn't know that all I do is destroy myself and everything along with me. I can't let him know about anything.

The things he doesn't know, won't hurt him.

Maybe I should start by staying away from him. Even though I try, I wouldn't be able to as we have a five year contract, keeping us together.

I need to find another way.

Maybe the contract had a loophole. I need to go home and check that contract again.

"Hey?" I feel someone shaking me to the extreme that my apple falls out of my hand.

I quickly cover up everything and look at Tyler, who's sitting right next to me, concern on his and others face.

"Vee, you have been distracted. Is everything okay?" He asks and I smile and nod in return.

"Everything's rolling," I laugh but none of them blink an eye.