Single Father • Namjoon + BTS!Kids

xcvi.

Loneliness.

Hobi hadn't really known it before.

Even before he'd met Wonpil, Hobi hadn't been old enough to really feel lonely. He'd felt a little discourage and naively optimistic, but he wasn't lonely.

Because you can't miss what you've never had.

But now that he knew what it felt like to have a friend, he knew exactly what he was missing without one.

Well, not just anyone.

Without Wonpil, to be specific.

School had always drudged up a complex emotion from Hobi. Exclusion, isolation, pain, misunderstanding...wanting to be liked, wanting to be accepted, wanting to be one of them...

But with Wonpil gone, he was none of those things. Even if the only one who had liked him, who had accepted him, who had been part of a them with Hobi, was just one person.

Wonpil.

He had filled such a large part of Hobi's life that school and Wonpil seemed almost inseparable.

But they were.

They definitely were, because Hobi was throwing up in the bathroom again, and Wonpil wasn't there to rub his back or get him a damp paper towel. Wonpil was...Hobi didn't even know. Probably sitting with the other boys, the ones people liked, the ones who didn't spend their lunchtimes in the bathroom.

At one point in his life, Hobi had felt that being alone was calming, peaceful, a chance to relax and introspect.

Now, being alone was disturbing, perturbing. It left him feeling off-kilter, off his stride, off his step. Why was it so hard to be alone? Why was it so hard to just be Hobi?

Since when were two people required for one to function?

Hobi finished throwing up and washed up in the sink, rinsing his mouth out and wincing at the ever-familiar taste of bile in the back of his throat. He looked up at the mirror.

Just him.

Just Hobi.

He'd meant to talk to Wonpil, he really did. But Wonpil was with them now, one of the pack. He couldn't get close to Wonpil before the rest would shut him out or make comments at him. Wonpil wouldn't meet his eyes. He looked sad, though. Years of friendship had taught Hobi to know when Wonpil was sad.

Was it Hobi's fault? Was Wonpil sad because Hobi had let him go? Or was Wonpil sad because Hobi kept trying to get him back?

All of these stupid little questions kept nagging at him and adding to his growing list of insecurities and doubts.

What if Wonpil was really done with him, for good?

Hobi's throat went dry as he wiped his face with a paper towel and stood up. How he wished Jimin were here with him to wish him luck, to support him, to tell him You've got it, hyung! But Jimin wasn't there. He was at home, fighting his own battles. Hobi was alone, and if he didn't want to be alone, then he had to work harder and figure out a way to talk to Wonpil.

***

He showed up on Wonpil's door step. He'd biked all the way over. Namjoon didn't even know that he'd left. He knew he was going to get in big trouble later - he winced, thinking of Namjoon's fears every since Jimin's abduction - but he didn't think he could go another day without Wonpil by his side. Or at least, another day not knowing whether or not Wonpil was done with him forever.

He attempted to catch his breath before ringing the bell, but he was still panting hard when the door opened.

"Hello?" Wonpil's mom answered, tilting her head. "Do you need something?"

"Wonpil," Hobi said between breaths. I need Wonpil. "Is he home?"

Wonpil's mom frowned apologetically. "I'm sorry, honey, he's not. Do you want me to let you know you stopped by?"

"I- no, I..." Hobi coughed.

Of course he wouldn't be home. Why didn't I think of that?

Of course it couldn't be this easy.

"I'm sorry, I just...Sorry," he mumbled, and Wonpil's mouth looked concerned.

"Are you all right, sweetie?"

Hobi nodded, feeling numb, and turned around, walking back to his bike as the door shut softly behind him.

He'd have to bike all the way back home now and deal with being grounded or whatever by Namjoon, all for nothing. Why couldn't Wonpil just be-

"Hobi?"

Hobi's head snapped up. "Wonpil," he breathed out. Then his heart sank when he saw two other boys with Wonpil.

"What are you doing, Hobi?" Wonpil asked, curious but scared to show much emotion.

Hobi hesitating, looking at the two boys with Wonpil before ignoring them and just focusing on the one kid he needed. "I came over to see if you were home."

Wonpil looked down at Hobi's bike. "Why didn't your dad just drop you off?"

Hobi bit his lip. "He doesn't know I'm here."

Wonpil frowned. "Hobi, you know how your dad is, you can't just-"

"I wanted to talk to you," Hobi interrupted. "And say I'm sorry. For pushing you away. For letting you go. For making you feeling like our friendship wasn't necessary to me, because it is, it really is, Wonpil. I miss our friendship, and I want it back." Hobi swallowed, feeling the stares of the other boys, and they made him uncomfortable. "That's what I came here to say."

The two boys muttered something between themselves, but Hobi ignored it even as he felt his fists tightening in fear. But they didn't matter. Only one person mattered right now, and Hobi needed to hear what he had to say.

"Well, it's about time," Wonpil finally said, sighing and crossing his arms. "I thought you wouldn't ever talk to me again."

Hobi looked up, surprised. "Me, not talk to you? You've been avoiding me this whole time."

Wonpil blinked. "No, you've been avoiding me."

"Nuh uh! You were always hanging out with other people..."

"Because you specifically told me to!"

"Well, I..." Hobi ducked his head. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Well, I did, sort of, but I didn't want it to happen."

Wonpil laughed, a sound that Hobi had missed, and the two smiled.

"So we're good?" Hobi asked anxiously, and Wonpil nodded, smiling.

"We're good."

"Good," Hobi said before sighing and looking down at his bike. "I have to hurry. The faster I get home, the less I'll be grounded for. Hopefully."

Wonpil smiled and waved as Hobi biked away, his feet light on the petals and his heart light in his chest.

just a little happiness because apparently some of you want that