Tree Bros, Boyf Riends and Kleisen One Shots

Kleinsen- Monster Out In You

Warnings: Talks about sex a lot, but nothing happens I promise

Also part two of yesterday's chapter will be posted tomorrow or Monday!

"So you mean to tell me, that you're part... supernatural?"

"Yep."

"But... you don't know what? Like, demon or vampire or whatever?"

"Nope." Evan picked at his fingers. "My mom... she was kinda, um, well, she liked to, uh, get around? A lot. So she's doesn't, she doesn't know what I am, you know?"

"So, basically, correct me if I'm wrong, but you're moms a hoe who used to have sex with supernatural creatures cuz... it was hot? Like, no shame, because honestly same."

"I wouldn't, I wouldn't call my mom a, a hoe, but yes. She, she slept around with a bunch of... things. And I don't know what part I am."

"This is amazing. Absolutely amazing. If being part supernatural was more common I would totally Snapchat this, but for now I guess I'll settle for a few tests."

"Tests?" Evan asked nervously, watching Jared pick up a pen and pad of paper. "What, what kind of tests?"

"Nothing to hurt your pretty little face, angel." Jared stopped his walking, and pressed a light, soft kiss onto Evans forehead. "We're gonna go  X-Files on this shit and figure out what you are."

"Oh boy."

————

"Have I ever what?"

"Have you ever slept with a zombie? It's an important question, Miss. I need a full list of all of the monsters you've slept with."

"Obviously not. Have you ever seen one?" Heidi stopped washing the dishes, turning to Jared who was taking notes. "They're ugly. No way would I sleep with one of those."

"Alright, noted. Now what about vampires? Werewolfs?"

"Okay, if you want a list of everything I've ever slept with you can just ask. I get it, kids are into that kinda stuff. I was too." Heidi leaned back into the counter, putting the towel over her shoulder. "Well I definitely had fun with vampires."

————

"Okay, okay. I have a list of everything your mom has ever slept with. Let's do some tests."

Evan barely had time to process Jared's words before questions were fired at him.

"What happens when you eat garlic? How do you feel around a full moon? Have you ever craved human brain? What do you think a wooden stake through the heart would do to you?"

"Uh I'd probably die if I, If I got a wooden stake through the heart."

"Ah ha!" Jared exclaimed. "You're a vampire!"

"Okay, so uh, two things wrong with that. Number one, um, you would die too if you got stabbed through the heart with a wooden stake, and, and two, that's not how you kill a, a vampire. You have to, you have to cut their heads off."

"Oh. Wait really?" Jared asked. "But every single movie-"

"Is wrong. Do you also believe that fairies are nice? They aren't."

Jared started nodding his head, then paused. "Wait. How do you know that?"

"I." Evan stopped, thinking. "I don't... know. It's just like... it's like I already know?"

"How do you kill a werewolf?"

"Silver bullet. That ones still the same."

"Witches?"

"Iron, fire, a witchcatcher, magic, and sometime you can just let them die of diseases. Holy, holy shit Jared, how do I know this?"

"Evan. I think I have an idea of what your father is."

"Wait, really?" Evan asked.

"Yes. I believe, if I'm not mistaken, but all evidence points to it..." Jared trailed off, watching Evan squirm.

"Jared."

"Okay okay. Your father is a hunter."

"Jared be serious." Evan mumbled, leaning back onto the bed.

"I am! All signs point to you being the son of a supernatural hunter. You're just like one of them!"

"Except my, you know, crippling anxiety."

"Evan, catch."

Evan didn't flinch when Jared through a pencil at him. He caught it perfectly between his fingers, then paused and looked at the results.

"Holy shit, I'm the, I'm the son of a hunter."