Tree Bros, Boyf Riends and Kleisen One Shots

Kleinsen- No Kitty That's My Pot Pie

Alternative title: How many South Park references can I make in one chapter?

"I think Connor has fake titties."

Jared almost chocked on his sandwich, staring in shock at his boyfriend. "What?"

"Yeah. I think they're fake." Evan said, staring at their approaching friend.

"Hey guys. Sup?"

"Uh, uh, nothing. Nothing I guess." Connor looked confused at Jared's behavior, but didn't say anything.

"Oh, uh, Evan, have you seen that language arts worksheet we have to do? It's like, super painful, right?"

"Oh, like you know what real pain is? Go and try living in a third world country you little pussy."

Jared looked wildly concerned at his boyfriend, and glanced over at Connor to see if he would snap at Evan. But to his shock... Connor was laughing.

"I'm not gonna live in a third world country with all of the conformists." Connor flipped his hair, making himself look more edgy.

"What the hell?" Jared mumbled, watching the interactions between the two.

"Hi boys!" Alana said, sitting her lunch down. "Hey, did you guys know that-"

"Boo! Boo Alana Beck boo!"

Jared's look of concern went unnoticed by the groups as Alana began to laugh. "Okay, understandable, have a nice day."

"What the fuck is wrong with you guys today? Especially you, Evan. What's going on?" Jared asked.

Evan sighed, giving Connor a knowing look. "You're breaking my balls, Jared."

"See? See? You would never say that! What the fuck!"

Alana just shook her head sadly, giving Jared a disappointed look. "Man, I thought you were our friends. I thought you'd understand."

"Well Alana, sometimes if you wanna find some quality friends, you gotta wade through all of the dicks first." Evan said, nodding knowingly at Alana.

"Evan, I didn't want to do this, but you leave me no choice. As your boyfriend, tell me what the fuck is going on!"

"So what you're saying is," Alana said between laughs. "You want him to, respect your authorieh?"

"What?"

"Well Jared, I have some news for you. Jared, face it, boys don't wanna eat pop-tarts for dinner every night when they get married." Connor said, smirking. He glanced over at Evans lunch, and started pawing at Evans pot pie.

"No kitty thats mah pot pie!" Evan said in a weird voice. Jared just looked even more baffled.

"Fuck this."

"What Jared? Got some sand in your vagina?"

"There's no? There's no sand in my vagina!" Jared sighed, rolling his eyes. "You guys are just being assholes!"

"Well, no, we have arms, and legs. We have everything!"

"God! Damn! I can't take this anymore!" Jared got up, taking his stuff with you. He ignored the tables laughter, and almost ignored the synchronized yell they all had.

"Screw you guys, I'm going home!"