It All Started With a Diary

the past|part 1

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"I wish my head could forget what my eyes have seen." – Dave Parnell
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Chapter 26|part 1
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Susie's hands were clasped together in front of her. Her eyes were set downcast, where I bet my heart would soon be after hearing what she had to say.

"My son, as you probably can tell, is a bit...cold," she began her words with a heartfelt sigh. That was an understatement, but I let her continue. "But, it seemed that this has worsened over the years, something the doctors had told me probably would occur."

I waited for her to continue, even though my heart was stuck in dark knots in anticipation.

I watched her swallow the invisible lump in her throat. "When Kade was a child, he went through so much more than anyone should. I think a part of him is still emotionally dead to all of it, honestly. I repeatedly had him tested for some type of social disorder, but the doctors all agreed on something much more complex."

"You see...Kade's home life was never a kind one, if I can even call it a life at all. I know that is my fault, and God knows I hate living with it every single day," her voice was clogged with rivers of tears and anguish.

It was as quiet as a mouse in the house, causing the temperature to tighten around us both. Suddenly, I regretted wearing this jacket. "I never meant for my marriage to turn the way it did. I never expected it to end with the death of my child, and a loss of the other one. But, I guess when you've been stuck in such a toxic life for so long, it's hard to escape."

"That was what my marriage was, though. Toxic. Beatings one minute, alcohol every other minute, and even more beatings right after that. That was what no child should experience, but Kade was the one who had to. And, that was about what killed him, his emotions, his future, and his soul. But, there's no one to blame except for myself."

I was sure she saw the confusion lingering in my expression at her sudden opening of her son's past.

Her fingers trailed around the rim of her glass, moving her gaze to it. "You see, Kimberly, the reason I am telling you this, is because I see something in you. I see something that could be good for Kade, something that might help him. I've hurt my son enough, so I feel as if this is the least I could do to make up for my mistakes," she explained my unasked question. "I just needed you to understand a small part of him before something occurred between you two that you couldn't understand."

"Kade was one of those kids to never depend on anyone, because he didn't have anyone to depend on. Back then, his brother was the only person that Kade would give anything and everything for, even himself if required."

When she said the name, I immediately thought back to the picture underneath her bed. Of the little boy who was too identical to Kade.

His little brother.

"Kade's father was a dark man, but every single day, I watched him grow worse. Not just because of the alcohol, but because Kade wasn't anything like him. He was sweet, he was good and caring...everything William wasn't." Her eyes glazed over with tears as she sighed. "But, that wasn't all. William fueled his disease with alcohol, women, drugs, and so much violence. That was the only cure to him. As I'm sure you already know, alcohol can do the worst to someone's family, and sadly it helped the downfall of ours."