It All Started With a Diary

again

I hope you guys enjoy the new chapter! Thanks for reading! 🤍

"The good times of today, are the sad thoughts of tomorrow." — Bob Marley
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Chapter 36
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Anxiety was a bitch. It was the weakest point of my life. Ever since I was a little girl, it had been one of the hardest things to deal with, despite everything else.

Lately, my attacks hadn't been so bad. Maybe that was because I had grown comfortable in this town, with both my family and the new people I came to love and consider close to my heart.

Now, though. No one was here to help me out of this uncontrollable trigger of pain. The one clasped my throat in a tight hold, relentlessly treading through different patterns of torment.

Some attacks were triggered, others were not. Sometimes, anxiety was like a great body of water. It fell over you like a wave that you weren't expecting, despite thinking, swearing that you were prepared for it. All you can do is try to fight the waves, even if you're still under water, even if you've already drowned. It's like that, except you just know that you're going to drown.

You can't breathe. You're in a room, on your own, the oxygen level unlimited, but you're still unable to breathe.

It feels like something very heavy is bouncing up and down on your chest. Except, anxiety doesn't give you a minute to breathe, or catch your breath. No, it just happens.

It just happened.

I squeezed my throat tightly, blinded by the overwhelming pain in my chest. The hospital's bathroom sink continued to run, the dripping sound of water timed. It was like a ticking bomb as I only grew more distressed.

I didn't know how it happened so effortlessly. I had been in the bathroom because I needed to get away for a minute. But, I didn't expect it to lead to a panic attack.

My mind was in another place. I could feel the things physically, but I couldn't comprehend anything emotionally.

I was alone. I was sure Kade was gone, Ryland was handling something with the doctor, and my only company was myself. I was alone. No one was here.

A sharp pinch grabbed at my heart. I squeezed my eyes shut as I leaned over in the midst of excruciating agony. Rows after rows of hot tears continued to roll down my cheeks as I attempted to calm myself.

"J-just..." I couldn't. I breathed in a rough patch of air, before attempting again. "Calm down, Kimberly."

I didn't know how long I sat there. I distracted myself from the panic attack, despite the obvious impact it had on my body. I shook underneath my own skin, wishing that I could escape. I wanted to shed away my own soul, if that were even possible.

With shaky legs, I stood up from the toilet. As I walked to the door, I knew I resembled a baby taking their first steps. It was almost embarrassing until I realized that I was the only one in the room.

My hands still felt hot even as the cool water rolled off of them. I threw the water on my face, dabbing underneath my eyes.

Once I raised my head, I barely recognized myself. I was a stranger to my own eyes.