Collide : A Robsten Fanfiction

Chapter 13 : Regrets

Los Angeles, October 2016 . 

(Rob POV)

"You're flying back to London tonight?" Tom asked on the phone.

"I was planning to, but Suzie called. They just brought her to the emergency room" I replied to Tom trying not let my worry show.

"Again? What happened? The last time i checked with Nick she and the baby were fine." Tom insisted.

"Yes. I know. Though from what I know and little information I get, she was having high grade fever and abdominal pains. Then she started bleeding. Nick had to bring her to the emergency room..." I sighed.

There was a moment of silence in the other line.

"Are you planning to go there now? Or did you call me again to express your woes?" Tom asked quietly I barely heard him.

"I don't know. I've been trying my best to keep on the sidelines. Somehow, I'm still having difficulty with this" I murmured.

"Rob, get your shit together." Tom said abruptly. "I know you man, you should've moved on by now. Can't you leave those two alone? They're family now! They have a kid!"

Tom has always been censorious of my left over feelings for her.  After I left her in 2013, both of our lives were in limbo the entire year after.

Both of us were caught up with projects we were finishing back to back. There was no time to catch-up. Ever since that October day any communication decreased from holiday greetings, to polite how-are-you's that happens once in a blue moon.

Then when that unwelcome thought of her came by the start of the new year, I realized that whatever bridge we had, it was already non-existent.

*********

He accepted it. It was expected. That was goodbye already that October, but everytime he remembers it he realized they never really said goodbye.  They didn't get the chance to say the word.

It's too late now. It's been more than a year. Thankfully they didn't cross each other's paths since then, fate couldn't be that cruel.  She spent almost all her time filming, and when she flies in, he would be out in another state doing his projects too. All was good.

But, it wasn't great. Along came the emptiness and the restlessness he used to feel back then, before filming Twilight, before meeting her.  He cured it with his constant partying if he gets the time.  It helped, in a way.

Just when he thought he was okay, the news of her with somebody new brought it all back again.

She deserves to be happy. He himself has been going out with women too, albeit discreetly.  He just didn't expect to feel like this with the thought of her with someone else.

Maybe because he kept avoiding her. Maybe because he keep denying himself of her friendship.  I mean there's nothing wrong with ex-lovers being friends right?

It was then he started deliberately campaigning for her friendship again.

Everybody was surprised.  No harm done, she's with somebody else. He just want to be friends.

He started going to the same parties, he calls on the same friends. It wasn't that difficult. His, hers and Nick's circle were almost the same.

What he didn't expect though was how she was obviously trying to stay away. 

**********

(Rob POV)

Nicholas welcomed the friendship. He was a nice guy, and he shouldn't be worried especially when I almost always show up with a random woman with me.

I have to, If I don't, I end up staring at her the entire night.  I just want to win her back. I just wanted to have my friend back.

I missed her. I miss everything about her, her honesty, her quirks, her crazy antics and her selfless dedication and loyal friendship.

All this calculated manipulation to win her back went unnoticed, except our close friends. They think I was playing with fire. I never thought I was.

Honestly, I actually don't know what I was doing. I'm just propelled by the need to see her and hear her constantly.

She was civil to me. If i joke about it, she would retaliate with a witty one liner then politely exit. Sometimes she seeks out Nicholas in the crowd if she had enough of me. I never show signs of getting tired conversing with her. Im just bothered that she never fails to show up without him if she knew I was there.

One time I got so drunk I tried getting her alone. I needed to talk to her. I was feeling a little lonely and I came alone that particular night.

"Rob what are you doing?" She asked as I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the terrace.

"Dance with me" I slurred. I held her close to me and started swaying her under the moonlight.  The music from the main room can be heard from here, the cicadas were doing their own thing too. It was reminiscent of the time when we were young and we were dancing also in that scene. She tried getting free but I held her closely, she gave up and sighed and just let me sway her. She wasn't looking at me. She rarely does. Her green eyes are now for someone else.

I hate it. I was jealous. I hate the thought of her with him. I leaned down and kissed her cheek. She flinched, I was oblivious, I started rubbing my scratchy chin on the visible part of her neck. It used to turn her on.

"Rob.." She froze.

I wouldnt let her so I continued pulling her with me. Then I deliberately kissed that spot behind her ears. She sighed. Yes. She wants it so bad I can feel it.

I took it as a welcoming sign and swooped in to claim her lips to a bruising kiss. She stilled in my arms as I continue to encourage her to open to me.

"Come on Kris...just one...just open Baby" I murmured in between kisses.

Then she pushed me. "You're drunk! Stop this!" She exclaimed loud enough to bring me back to my senses.

She ran her hands through her hair trying to even her breathing.

"Don't do that again." She said, then left.

She left me there on the terrace with a raging hard on. She left me there unfulfilled for the last 2 years. She left with Nicholas and she didn't even turn back to check If i was still there.

***

"You're the one who left her Rob" Tom stated the fact that I was denying to myself for so long

"Do you think I don't know that?" I replied.

"I'm just reminding you. You seem to forget how you left her devastated. I was there Rob. She wasn't okay. She was never okay. You were fine, but she wasn't. Don't you think she blamed herself enough? Then you go and add to it. I'm just happy she found someone too. I never though she would." Tom admitted. The censure was palpable.

"What are you trying to tell me?" I asked.

"I think you should let her go." He advised.

"I don't want to." I claimed.

"Stop being an idiot! She has suf.....

I slammed down the phone, I don't want to hear other people's opinion anymore, even Tom's.

They don't know me. They don't know how one person can change. They don't know how debilitating it is to give up on somebody and realizing what a huge mistake you made.

God what a mistake I made.