September 2014, Singapore
"Fucktard"
"What?"
"Fucktard"
"Who is?"I asked automatically. "No, don't answer that question" I hurriedly added.
Cj and I were on the balcony of my Hotel Room. I planned to sit here alone but he refuses to give and said I was better off with somebody right now.
"I'm not going to jump off the balcony you know" I told him honestly with a giggle. Of course I won't. Stupid move when I can still plan somebody's demise instead.
Ugh no, positive and calm thoughts only.
"I know you won't" He replied. "But shit Kristen, she's so-"
"Don't say it!" I shouted, more of to bleep whatever word he was planning to say.
"I was gonna say different!" Cj frowned at me.
I calmed down a little, I can't help but be a little jumpy, I wont be surprised if I end up a nervous wreck at the end of this week.
"Sorry...I know." I sighed.
We were quiet for a while. Somehow I was glad Cj was here, it's like the world fucking knows what shit befalls someone and prepares you for it. I'm just glad. I want to be glad and happy and genuinely overjoyed but my spirit is in an all-time low again.
"It's not her fault you know...It's not even his" I whispered.
"Oh God! Please stop blaming yourself..." Cj groaned right beside me. I ignored him.
"I knew that someday this might happen...I just...I just didn't expect it to happen now..." I shrugged. "I thought I was prepared..." I added, my voice faltering, lips quivering.
"Fuck it if you cry again I'm gonna leave on a red-eye tonight!" Cj groaned louder. He really wasn't the one in the group you run to when you get this messed up, but a friend is a friend and he has to deal with me. I smirked a little.
"No. No crying for tonight." Yes. I'm actually very proud. Ever since dinner tonight when I found out I haven't bawled like everyone expected to. There are times when my eyes would water but shit if I let them fall, I refuse to. No, I won't shed a tear about this. It won't help. It won't change anything.
Shit. Thinking about not crying is starting to make my eyes water. God damn it stop thinking Kristen. Even if it kills you, you just have to stop thinking.
"I'm actually surprised." Cj admitted.
"Surprised about what?" I asked.
"How calmly you're taking this" He said. "Except that Char Toni episode earlier...that was crazy. I thought you were gonna upend the table!" He added laughing.
I laughed along. I admit, I did have the urge to do violence earlier. When I walked out I went straight to my room and smoked an entire pack refusing to think of anything else. This won't kill me, although smoking will, anything but this one tonight. So I chain smoked and hummed stupid songs in my head until I erased any thoughts.
It was a few minutes after when Cj came and found me. He came just in time, a little later and I would have probably filled a bucket with my tears. Ugh, so weak.
"You know your fans are a little concerned about you.." Cj said.
"Really?" I turned to him.
"Instagram, Twitter....and...and there is so much drama going on there right now" He laughed. I can imagine what he was referring to.
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Collide : A Robsten Fanfiction
FanfictionIt has been 5 years since the Robsten ship sanked, everybody went back to their merry lives. Except, of course, him. She has her own life now. While he, the other half of that team still goes on afloat, or so he thinks. Now, an unexpected cours...
