Forbidden Love // Lisoo 리수 [Complete]

Chap.25

I was laying on my bed facing the ceiling, remembering that humiliating experience that added to the long list. She made me wear vibrating panties while walking around and being treated like the slave I was, I had to bring everything she bought, if she wanted to try a new pair of shoes I had to take hers away and make her wear the others, if there was a food she wasn't too sure about I had to taste it first, basically she also used me as a tester. It was a really long, tiring and shameful day, people probably thought I was a whore, which I am, I am Jisoo's whore, but I am, even though it wasn't me who wanted that infernal things on.

It was a while that I felt like shit, Chaeyoung thought I was depressed which it might be, I felt powerless, worthless, useless, a burden, weak, I was so so sad, I was at the bottom. My life was a mess, I was pathetic, I would have kept living as a slave, punished and tortured for everything I did wrong. I couldn't go to school and have a normal life, I couldn't work and pay my mom's bills and help her get better. And on top of all those emotions another one was born. It was love. An insane love in my opinion. Somehow I fell in love with Lady Jisoo. I couldn't explain why or how, all I knew was that I liked her. Which is a shock to me considering the fact that I've been straight my whole 19 years of life! I might have hated her, but my heart thought differently, that was probably the reason my body reacted differently compared to what my brain wanted.

My brain. My brain was fucked up as much as my whole system, but it was the only thing that stopped me from telling what I felt, who made me fight back and don't crush completely under the vampire evilness.

And because I stupidly developed feelings for her, every word she said to me, good or bad, was heavier than before. Every insult and degrading word she said to me hurt 10 times more, I ended up believing in them after so many times she said that, after all she made me go through, I realized my true worth, which was none. I was worthless. Even if I accepted the feelings I had for her, I had to kill them before they got deeper and stronger, cause she would have never ever loved someone like me. She was sure it was clear and I learned it. I was and always will be nothing. I didn't matter. I was unlovable.

I suddenly started crying, covering my face with the pillow. I hated myself. Why was I born that way? All I had was a hot body and good blood. Nothing else.

«Yah, dumb slav-khm-Lisa, I need- Yah! What's up with you?» the vampire asked me but I ignored her even though I knew the consequences, she grabbed my right ankle and shook it «Yah! Answer me!» I ignored her once again and kept crying.

She grabbed my pillow and took it away from me effortlessly, so I turned on my belly and buried my face in the bed «Go away unnie!»
She grabbed my hips and turned me around, our eyes meeting «What's up with you?» she asked glaring at me
«NOTHING! EVERYTHING IS GOD DAMN FINE! CAN'T YOU SEE HOW RAINBOWS AND UNICORNS MY LIFE IS?!» I say my words drowning in sarcasm as I sat up
She glared at me «Yah! Calm down or I'll beat you!» a warning. A warning that I ignored
«DO IT! FUCKING DO IT! I DON'T CARE ANYMORE! LEAVE ME ALONE! I WANNA BE ALONE NOW!!» my sadness mixed with rage was something too strong for me to control.