My Alpha ~ Levi x Reader

Chapter 75: Crumbling Mask

Hot.

It was hot.

Burning.

It felt like I was burning.

Hurt.

Everything hurt.

Pain.

All I could feel is pain.

My body and soul being crushed as flashes of white and blue blinded me. The sound of shrieks and snarls deafened me. The blazing flames burning my very soul.

And all that was left is pain.

Pain, and unfathomable power.

My vision blurred, and all of a sudden I was brought to a snowy plain. My head swirled with untold emotions, and a feeling of dread and desperation clawing my insides out.

I felt my body shake and shiver violently until I no longer had the ability to stand. The desperation only continued to grow. The sound of shouting, screaming, and crying replaced the calm sound of the breeze.

I felt myself being choked, my eyes suddenly blurry with tears. I could feel myself being eaten by fear.

What is this? Where am I? What's happening? I don't understand.

I felt my soul burn once again, a soundless scream of pain left me. The burning spread all over my body, until it was concentrated on my hands.

I cried, and cried, and cried, but it wouldn't stop. My body was trembling uncontrollably, and I could no longer feel my hands.

Did they burn off? Do I no longer have any hands? What's going on? I'm scared, I want this to stop. When will it end? Will the pain ever stop??

I felt the world spin around me again. This time, I could feel the cold wind rushing against me. I was paralyzed. I couldn't move. I could hear nothing. I only saw black.

The last thing I remember, was the feeling of fading back into nothing.

***

I opened my eyes, my mouth wide as I took heavy breaths. Cold sweat dripped from my face as I frantically checked my hands, trying to make sure they were still there.

I moved all five fingers from both hands, sighing with relief that they weren't numb and gone like the dream.

My hands grasped my head, taking deep breaths to calm my raging heart. I waited until I could no longer hear the harsh pounding of my heart against my ribs.

I let out a shaky breath, nervously rubbing my arms up and down. What the hell was that? It was only then did I notice my body was still shaking. I gripped the sides of my arm, trying to reduce the amount of tremor.

I need to distract myself. Just... don't think about it.

Wiping the rest of the sweat on my face, I looked around, thankful that everyone was still sound asleep. It didn't take me long to realize that one of the beds was empty.

Hanji? She's gone?

I got off my bed, slightly stumbling over the first few steps before being able to slowly walk steadily.

My hand traced the cold wooden walls of the cabin as I made my way to the main room, surprised to see the lights off with a single candle on the table lighting up the room.

Hanji sat near the candle, briefly fixing her glasses as she continued reading one paper out of many.

"Hanji?" I called out, my voice sounding weak. The brunette looked up, her tired eyes flashing in surprise. "(Y/N)? What're you doing awake?"

I took a seat across her. "I should be the one asking you that question."

"I was going through all our data for the first zone, you know, finishing up the first half of the report's draft," Hanji explained, gesturing to the bunch of papers scattered in front of her.

"But, you've been doing so much already. There's no need to add more to your workload. I mean, I can help with the drafts and everything."

Hanji smiled, softly shaking her head. "No, it's fine, (Y/N). The workload doesn't bother me at all. If anything, I feel much better doing it."

"Why?"

"It helps E--.. the team!" She ended on a happy tone, giving me a wide smile after it.

"Hanji..--"

"And to be honest, I want to get out of here as soon as possible so I can go back to my beloved Titan research!"

I can see it. I can see the mask. I can see it almost crumble down. "Hanji..."

"Can you believe I had to leave my precious research behind?? For two months--"

I rose from my seat. "Hanji! Enough!"

Hanji stopped her rant, her eyes slowly meeting mine. I sat back down in my seat, reaching out a hand to hold hers. "It's okay. You don't need... to act okay in front of me."

"What..?" I heard her voice crack by the slightest.

"You don't need to wear that mask in front of me, Hanji."

She glanced back and forth. "What mask..?" Her voice faltering. She stared at me with an expression that made her look clueless, but I knew she knew what I meant.

She gave a massive sigh, almost blowing out the candle. A chuckle left her as she took off her glasses, setting it down in front of her. She reached behind her head, pulling off her hair band.

I watched as her hair fell down to her shoulders, followed by another sigh. "Of course you'd figure it out."

"....There's no way you could always smile like nothing's happened if it weren't for a mask." I remembered Levi's words, finally hearing it all click together. "You and Erwin... have always been smiling."

Hanji looked at with a sad smile. "Life has many obstacles. When faced with one, would you rather sit around and be gloomy about it or try to live on?"

"And pretended like nothing's happened?" I hesitantly added.

The same heartbreaking look remained on Hanji's face. "There's no need to drag others down with you."

"But there's no need to make yourself suffer all alone. We're your friends, Hanji. We aren't just here for the fun and happy times, we're here for tough times as well."

Hanji shook her head, letting out a few chuckles that sounded more like a sob to me. "It's no use (Y/N). Even if you knew what the problem was, there's nothing you can do about it. No one, can do anything about it. It's just... cruel fate."

"How can you be so sure I can't do anything about it?" I asked softly, gazing at her hopefully.

The brunette only gave a smile. "Oh, I'm quite sure of it (Y/N)."

"But... why can't you tell me?"

Hanji stared at me silently for a while, before tilting her head to the side. "Because it's not my place to say."

Her eyes flickered to something behind me. "Right, Erwin?"

I turned around, my heart nearly jumping out of my chest as I locked gazes with Erwin, who was standing a few feet away from us.

Erwin looked away and proceeded to fill up a glass of water and drink it, before heading back to his room. Before he disappeared around the corner, he paused and glared at us.

"Stop talking about pointless things and get some rest," he told us sternly. "Our focus is the expedition and nothing else."