Be My Teacher || K.SJ

Special Chapter: First Time

Flashback: Two years ago

I sit on the ground with my legs crossed, picking at the grass and rubbing it between my fingers. I look up at her headstone, a small sigh escaping my lips.

"I don't know what to do." I mutter. 

I uncross my legs and bring them to my chest, resting my chin on my knees. My eyes scan her name, and the epitaph engraved on the stone.

Vanessa Collins

1975 - 2015

A Mother's love, like an imperishable sun, cannot go out.

I smile as I read the engraving, like I have done for the umpteenth time. Even though she's not here physically, I still feel her love. I still feel her with me in spirit, in my heart. 

"Mom, it's times like these when I really wish I could hear your voice. I can't talk to dad about this. He'd flip." I sigh frustratingly.

"Ryan keeps... asking. For, you know. For us to take things to the next level. And I don't know if I'm ready yet." I begin, whispering softly.

"I'm worried if I keep saying no, he'll get bored and leave. So I'm stuck, I don't know what to do." I say, concern in my tone.

"What if this is the only opportunity I get to do it? What if nobody else will want me?" I continue, pouring my inner thoughts out.

I sit there in silence for a few seconds, mulling it over in my head. I stare at her headstone and I make up my mind. I pull my phone out of my pocket and bring Ryan's name up in my phone, writing out a text.

Willow: Are you parents still out of town tonight?

My heart pounds in anxiety, and a nervous lump forms in my throat, my stomach flipping. I jolt when I see the three dots pop up, waiting for his reply.

Ryan: Yeah, you wanna come over?

I swallow hard, my thumbs trembling as they hover over the keyboard. My face burns hot and my breathing picks up.

Willow: Yeah

I let out a breath and lock my phone, dropping it into my lap. I look back at my mom's headstone, and I purse my lips, knitting my brows.

"I'll see you next week." I whisper, resting my hand on top of the cold stone, letting it linger there for a couple seconds, before standing up and walking back towards my house.

I walk inside, closing the door behind me and immediately make a B-line for my bedroom. 

"Where are you going?" I hear my dad yell from the living room. 

I stop dead in my tracks, one foot on the first step of the stairs. I sigh and turn around, walking into the living room.

"Hey, dad." I mumble, smiling.

"Where are you off to in such a rush?" He asks, his eyes focused on the iPad he's holding.

"Nowhere." I chuckle nervously.

He drops the iPad onto his lap and turns his head to look at me, a suspicious expression on his face. I stand in the middle of the room, nervously intertwining my fingers together, my eyes darting around, unsure of where to look.

"Spit it out." He sighs.

I drop my shoulders and relax my tense body, letting out a sigh also.

"Ryan asked me to meet him. That's all." I lie, hoping it'll get him off my back.

"Oh..." He trails off, clearing his throat awkwardly.

"Alright. Just make sure you're home before 9pm." He says, lifting the iPad back up from his lap, and turning his head towards the screen.