Learning To Fly

Marshall's Drama

A/N Obviously I don't know why certain things happened or how those involved felt, this chapter is written from my point of view with no knowledge of the event. When I picked the year this was set in, I'd forgotten that this happened but I wanted to use it to help show how Marshall is beginning to feel about Jaime and the place that Kim now fit in his life.

Three days after I got back from California the proverbial shit hit the fan in a way I did not see coming in a million years, I received a phone call from clearly distressed Alaina, in fact she could barely hold it together enough to get her words out about her Aunt, closely followed as I was getting ready to go to the hospital by one from Kim’s mother shouting and screaming her insults at me.

My daughters were distraught and as I drove to the hospital Kim was at Paul finally called me “Just give me the facts Paul and we’ll go from there” I say by way of greeting to him. I know I’m being rude but I haven’t got time to fuck about I needed to see my kids and comfort them.

“It was a suicide attempt Marshall, she was drunk, they found pill bottles on the back seat and witnesses claim she headed straight for the pole, didn’t break or anything” he tails off softly.

My heart breaks for Kim and whatever has pushed her to attempt this again, slamming my hand against the steering wheel my mind turns quickly “How much can we keep quiet Paul?” he sighs down the phone and I know there’s too many witnesses for this to be buried completely “The best we can do, is ask for sealed court records when it comes to that and that will hide the fact it was a suicide attempt” he asks if I want him to look into and speak to the right people and I agree with him “Do it, please” with that I hang up and concentrate on my driving.

My girls are in pieces when I finally arrive at the private room Paul has sorted for us, the look on their frightened faces breaks my heart all over again, last time I saw those looks they were a lot younger and watching me lying in a hospital bed clinging to life by a thread after I’d overdosed.
The guilt for putting them through that was eternal and now the profound feeling of guilt overwhelmed me again, settling in the pit of my stomach making me nauseous.

The fact that the four women in this hospital couldn’t go through this ordeal in private was my fault, I dragged us all kicking and screaming into a public life. They wanted to suffer this in silence but because of me they’d have to hide away in order to do that.
I just prayed Paul could keep the word suicide out of the press.

Out of the thousands of times Kim’s mother had yelled at me for putting them all through this, this one time cut the deepest because she was right. It all boiled down to me and my need for my children to have a better life than I’d had.  She was right I had been a selfish fucking bastard.

I still loved Kim, I loved her an awful lot but I was no longer in love with her, my blood didn’t burn red hot just by looking at her any more, the fire had long gone out.
Because of the times we shared and our daughters we found a new friendship together, sometimes like best friends and sometimes we argued still like cat and dog but I would do anything for that woman. Anything at all for these four women, I’d give my life for them.

I sat on the floor, Hailie, Whitney and Alaina all crawled on me in a haphazard kind of way so that we were all touching and I wrapped my arms tightly around them. The atmosphere in the room was thick and heavy with grief, shock and disbelief over Kim’s actions this day, none of us had an inkling she was feeling like this, I’d spoken to her after I got back from California and we were laughing and joking about something stupid. I just couldn’t understand it.

As I sat there I couldn’t quiet my mind, different thoughts spun around and around as scenarios sped through my brain. My chest felt tight with panic and suddenly Jaime floated across all of it, blocking it all out.
My thoughts slowed to a standstill as I focused on her smiling face, my body relaxed as I thought of the photo I’d taken of her still asleep in Santa Monica just before I left. She was a goddess for sure, tanned skin stood out in Stark contrast against the white untidy sheets on the bed, her blonde curly hair splayed out wildly around her. The skin on her back smooth and soft to touch, she looked so peaceful I was envious of her in that moment and now as my panic calms I think of her quiet, calm and peaceful way and let it wash over me.