Learning To Fly

Jaime's Fears

He’ll try and take my son away from me I know he will, I sit clutching Archer to me, holding him tightly against my chest as if that will be enough to stop Marshall from taking him.

He gets upset hearing me cry and I realize he’s probably never seen me as anything but happy in his presence before, I immediately feel guilty I shouldn’t be showing this kind of emotion around him.
I don’t want to worry him, I dry my eyes quickly, push all bad thoughts out of my mind and set about tickling and playing with him. I’ll save the emotion for when I could be alone later, I could let loose with the tears and the anxiety and not upset my son then.

Later that afternoon there’s a familiar pounding on my door, making both Archie and I jump. I haven’t heard it in over two years but I know it’s him, I find myself drifting slowly towards the door and I look down at Archie playing happily and smile “Are you ready for hurricane Marshall little man?” he claps his hands together before getting up and toddling over towards his big toy box.

My hand rests on the door handle as the pounding continues without a break, I guess it’s now or never, taking a deep breath I open the door and come face to face with my furious looking ex lover.

“You told me you fucking did it” he raises his voice, his face bright red with anger as he points his finger in my face. "I fucking trusted you and you lied to me.... Fuck!" he spits out.

I push him quickly outside pulling the door almost shut behind me “If you keep shouting and swearing you won’t come in, calm down and meet your son for the first time like a decent human being” He looks at the ground, clenching and uncle ching his fists trying to get a handle on his emotions I guess, I give him a couple of seconds “Well?” I ask yet again and he nods, keeping his mouth firmly shut and his head low.
There’s a sore looking scratch running along his right cheek, Sarah really got him good and it makes me feel really bad, she shouldn’t be lashing out at anybody. I loved and appreciated her but this was my stuff to deal with, she doesn’t need to get involved and we’d be having a conversation along those lines at some point in the near future.

“Come in and meet your son then” I don’t want this to happen at all but my head tells me to do what I can because Marshall won’t give it a second thought to take me to court over visitation rights and even worse a custody battle, its not like he couldn’t afford to drag me through every court in the land to get what he wanted.

He walks in ahead of me and stands staring at our son playing with his beloved dinosaurs, I walk past him and take a seat on the couch hoping that Marshall will follow my lead and chill out.

“Archie come and meet Marshall, he’s a friend of Momma’s” my voice is unbelievably soft and calm as Archer crawls towards us. He opens his arms to me when he gets close enough and I pick him up, he buries his face in my neck and gives Marshall suspicious looking side glances every so often. I wait for Marshall to finally calm down enough so that he can talk to his son without sounding like he wanted to hurt someone.

“Hey Archer, I’m Marshall, can you show me your toys please?” my heart is going to get ripped in two all over again, I just know. Archie looks up at me and I smile back “It’s okay baby go and show Marshall your toy box “ he scrambles down, covers the short distance to Marshall awkwardly on his butt and pulls himself up with a determined grunt before taking and tugging Marshall by the hand.

I can’t bear to watch them and head out to the kitchen to give them both some space, however I can’t turn my ears off to the sounds of chattering and giggles coming from the pair of them. Marshall speaks to Archie with the sweetest tone of voice and when I go back in Archie is holding up his dinosaurs one by one proudly showing them to his father. Marshall reaches for his favorite and I bite back my laughter as Archer snatches it quickly back from him, holding it close to his chest, instead he offers him his least favorite dinosaur, which Marshall gratefully accepts.