Learning To Fly

A Second Christmas Eve In Hawaii

"Angel?" I call loudly completely forgetting where I am as I scribble furiously on my notepad and continue until I realise it's gone completely silent in the cabin of the jet.

Looking up there are five sets of eyes looking my way. Jaime opposite me trying to stifle her giggles, my daughters staring open mouthed at me and fucking Curtis our flight attendant staring at me in shock. Fucking hell! I manage to stare that fuck down and he hurries away to the front of the jet just as my kids break out into fits of fucking laughter.

"Angel? Daddy you're so cute" Hailie continues giggling, "adorable" swoons Alaina followed by Whitney declaring that I've totally lost all of my man points now. I cant stop my cheeks from glowing red and raise my notepad in front of my face trying to hide my embarrassment at getting caught out.

"I'm not cute neither am I adorable. I am manly and tough, also a petty asshole" I try my very best to assert myself with the women in my life but the laughter grows louder signaling my failure.

"I think your cute and also very manly" Jaime leans over and whispers in my ear, I hold the growl I want to release and look her in the eyes instead "You fucking know I'm the man" I reply as quietly as I can, I needn't have worried nobody hears over the whining noises of the planes jet engines and continued snorts of laughter.

"Jaime isn't it nice flying like this" Alaina asks her smiling, my kids might seem spoiled to some and they only use this when they're with me so it's not like they're Kardashian levels of spoilt or anything like that.

"yes, I can't believe it shaves a couple of hours off the trip either, I think I prefer this kind of flying" she winks at me.

"You better start saving Angel, this jet is expensive to run" she swats at my shoulder for my petty comment.

This day couldn't have gone any better in my mind, I'd struggled with finding my words at breakfast, firstly letting them know that Jaime and I were together again and then the fact that there was Archer in all of this.

Whitney had been ecstatic that Jaime and I were together and that she had a new baby brother, she kept saying she should now be considered the favorite daughter because without her this would never have happened.

Alaina being the nicest and sweetest of my girls beamed with happiness for me, Hailie was a little quiet but she soon started asking questions about them and now she was chatting away to Jaime without any awkwardness at all, she's like her old man the most in that respect, she takes a minute to warm up to any new people in our lives.
Hailie I'm sure liked to think she was protecting me I think but I hated that I'd passed on my suspicious nature to her but then it would serve her well in life, Hailie was in no way naïve to the way the world could regard her because she was my daughter.

As I watched them chatting to one another I started to feel anxious about the Christmas gift I'd gotten for Jaime, it was definitely over the top and I didn't want to upset her, maybe she hadn't gotten me a gift or if she had she might not think it's good enough after I hand her hers.
Anything Jaime ever gave me would be treasured for the rest of our lives. A pain hits me in the chest as I think about life without her again.
I need to stop overthinking but then the only gift I ever bought her was the stupid charm for her bracelet. I guess I just didn't want her to not like my gift.

Since Revivals release, actually scrub that since the track listing had been made public for it. I felt like I wasn't good enough maybe I had lost it, from goat to sacrificial lamb with just one release.

I had Denaun telling me to get off my metaphorical Island and all of the fans telling me to stay put.

My head was fucked, I could take criticism, the constructive kind any how but these people deliberately misinterpreted the album and I now faced a choice hide away or come back at them.