Learning To Fly

We Need You, Jaime

My house looks empty as I sit surveying the mess of packing boxes and half unassembled furniture, most of my life is in Michigan now, I’m not sure if he’s unpacked any of it or not, he said he was going to but then most times I spoke to him he was at the studio or rehearsing for the mini European tour he had just informed me he was to embark on. I didn’t mind at all Archie and I were going to Europe with him much to his delight and I could barely contain my excitement. Plus he’d kept to his promise to never be away from us for more than two weeks at a time.
Marshall was due to arrive in three days’ time and we were to fly back to Michigan the day after for the final time, I was happy and sad, or maybe not sad just a tiny bit apprehensive. I’d managed mission impossible and sorted everything within three weeks after New Year, couldn’t keep the ever-impatient Mr Mather’s waiting any longer and besides I really didn’t want to.

A knock at my door startled me and I got up swinging the door open to reveal Jack smiling at me “Hey, you said it was okay to see Archer before you left, I just wondered if Sarah and I could take him to the mainland with us today” looking out the door I can see Sarah loading their boat up. I scan her body quickly and from this distance can see no baby bump as yet as Archer makes the decision for me, he squeals with delight when he sees Jack standing in our doorway and launches himself at him, making me laugh, “I guess that’s a yes then” Jack comes inside waiting while I find the box to be shipped to California along with my surfboards.
I haven’t seen them since New Year’s eve and I’m guessing it’s suddenly sank in that they don’t have much time left to see him. They were cutting it close though leaving it this long and I’d more or less given up on them taking me up on my offer
“Wow this place is empty” he exclaims looking around, “Is it okay to use it for my new guys still?” feeling sad that I’d been replaced so quickly but it was his business and I’d do the same in his shoes I guessed but I agreed, I had offered it.

“Yes of course, I’ll leave the keys in here and leave the door unlocked when we leave Saturday”
“Jack, how far along is Sarah?” he sighs guessing correctly that Marshall had let me in on their little secret.
I need to know; I know I shouldn’t know but I do and I’m curious “She’ll be twelve weeks tomorrow” he smiles at me and I think maybe he’s gotten used to the idea of being a father now, he certainly looks relaxed about it.
Rushing at him and taking him by surprise I hug him tightly “I’m so pleased for you both, congratulations. You’ll be wonderful parents” he hugs me back “Thank you, was quite the surprise” I grin at him and after making sure Archie’s life preserver was secure, I watched them leave.

Jack stops and turns back to me “You’ll always be my little sister Jaime and there will always be a home here for you both” he leaves quickly and I’m glad because I’m about to cry some very ugly tears.

I spent the rest of the day cleaning and packing anything we wouldn’t need in the next couple of days and I got a lot done with Archer out of the house, he was being a bit of a handful at the moment and he blew my mind everyday with his demands and his constantly screaming no at me. It was making me rethink not taking my pill any more, didn’t think I’d cope with two of them yelling at me all day, I just wanted my nice, loving and playful boy back not this demon that had possessed him recently.

Jack bought him home just before five and I already had his meal on the go, he might be exhausted and want to sleep.
“Hey JJ” Jack shouted out to me and I let him know I was in our kitchen “I don’t know what’s happened to him but I think he’s possessed” Jack looks slightly wild eyed at my wriggling boy as he places him on the floor in front of me. Archer takes off yelling and screaming at the top of his lungs making me wince.

“Terrible Two’s, you’ve got this nightmare to come. Where’s Sarah?”

“She’s not feeling too good, she’s gone to lay down. Too much sun I think”

“Make sure she drinks plenty of water Jack and keep her cool” I offer, feeling like I should say something caring. He hugs me tightly once more before leaving.

I didn’t really suffer physically much during my pregnancy at all, my emotions were all over the place and I was heart broken but apart from maybe a weeks’ worth of morning sickness, it was plain sailing, I felt good in my body and I paddled out daily on my surfboard but no proper surfing. I remembered miscarrying before after a bad wipe out. I was careful this time and I knew I was pregnant unlike before.

Giving birth was hideous but the horror of that was forgotten the moment Archer was placed on my chest.
What was I thinking being all happy about having another one, a moments doubt set in but I pushed it aside, the things Marshall was willing to do for me was amazing. He had made an study for me so I could get there and straight away put my business plans into action.
He’d insisted on decorating a room for Archie himself, it was a surprise for us both and he’d been up day and night painting it and building furniture, it had surprised me that he enjoyed doing domestic things like that. It was nauseating how in love with him I was and how it increased everyday.

Later on in the evening after I had put Satan’s spawn to bed and had dozed off on my couch I was woken by someone hammering on my door for a split second it sounded like how Marshall used to on one of his midnight trips out to have sex with me back in Michigan. I grinned figuring he’d come early and got up excitedly to let him in, instead I was met by a half naked Jack in his boxers looking worried “Can you come over, I’m worried about Sarah, she’s in the bathroom and won’t come out!” he looks frantic to be fair and I’m not sure what good I’ll be, but I agree quickly asking him to grab my sleeping baby and follow me over.

I can’t hear any noise coming from their bathroom at all and I’m about to ask Jack to try and break down the door when I hear a muffled sob “Sarah, it’s Jaime. Please let me in” I don’t think she will but I wait anyway “Go away” she yells suddenly, breaking the silence. “I don’t want to speak to you, go away!” she’s been crying for awhile, her voice sounds hoarse.

“I’m not leaving, you’ve got Jack out here worried sick, now let us in” my stubbornness urged on by hers and my worry for her.
She cries loudly, sounding like she’s having trouble catching her breath she’s crying so hard “Sarah please let me help”

The lock clicks eventually and she opens the door slightly looking out at me through a small crack, her eyes and nose red from crying “You can come in but not Jack” I look up at him standing behind me and looking confused, why won’t she let him in?
He nods at me, shrugging his shoulders and I step inside closing the door behind me quietly as she pulls her shorts down and sits on the toilet seat, this is nothing new to us many a drunken evening we’d shared cubicles at nightclubs chatting away whilst the other took care of their business.

“Sarah what’s happening? Has Jack done something?” I couldn’t work out why she didn’t want him around her.

“My tummy really hurts” she cries before putting a hand between her legs, removing it and showing me blood stained fingers   “I’m bleeding, I’m having a miscarriage aren’t I?”  she doubles over moaning with pain, my heart breaks for her and I rush to her side, holding her as she sobs in my arms.

“Sarah, you might not be miscarrying, but we should get Jack to take you to the hospital to get you checked out” I try to remain calm and positive but I know this is probably exactly that “You think!” she looks up at me with so much hope in her eyes that I feel sick inside for giving her that hope. “I don’t know for sure but if it is a miscarriage you will be in the best place for them to help you”
“I’m so sorry Sarah” I can’t think of anything else to say, there is nothing I can say, she needs Jack really.

Holding onto her hand I ask if we can let Jack in now and she agrees, after kissing her cheek, I head outside the bathroom while she breaks the news to him, hearing them both in pain is agony and the sounds of them crying together cuts straight through my heart, although it’s nothing compared to what they must be going through.

“Jaime” Jack calls out to me and I walk back in to see Sarah sat on Jack’s lap; he speaks quietly with raw emotion evident in his voice making things difficult for him.
“I’m taking her to the hospital, can you grab me some sweat pants and a T shirt please and something comfortable for Sarah, and Jaime please come with us, we need you!” I nod, they both need some support and I’ll be that for them, I head off to get the things he asked for, ten minutes later and the four of us are on route, Archer thankfully has slept through everything so far.
I have an awful need to speak to Marshall, I need some comfort right now. But I hold off, instead holding the hand Sarah has placed behind her seat and keeping the fingers on my right hand crossed for them.

An hour later and I’m sat in their private room with Archer sleeping on Sarah’s bed, the nurse had confirmed that she was sadly having a miscarriage and a surgeon had taken her to theatre to make sure it was complete, they used words like infections, blood loss, pain and I zoned out a bit to be honest, the technical words frightened me, I sat and hugged Jack whilst they prepped her and he left to go down with her as far as he could.

I pulled my phone out to check the time and saw several missed calls from Marshall, I completely forgot I’d put it on silent earlier and now I’d missed my bedtime call.

I hated this fucking day, why did life allow for people to be so fucking happy just to then rip the carpet out from under them, when they thought they were finally safe. It truly sucked.