Learning To Fly

The Ring

This is not what I do, why the fuck am I making such a big fucking deal of this, I did it once already, why the fuck wasn’t that enough. If I wait much longer, I’ll talk myself the fuck out of doing this. Revealing myself in front of people, letting the mask slip.
Jaime hadn’t asked me to do it again but something Sarah had made a joke about had stuck with me, made me want to do this for her, I guess.

A phone call later to Paul after my talk with Sarah had set the wheels in motion, I had moaned that it was doing shit like this that made me look weak in other people’s eyes to which point Paul had reminded me of what I’d lost once before, was I prepared to risk feeling like that again, no fucking way and ranted on about not giving a fuck about what other people thought of me.

Love hadn’t made me weak, loving Jaime made me feel stronger, but I was battling with it at this precise moment! It was just nerves.
But isn’t that the whole point! Isn’t this how being in love is supposed to be like, I mean romance and vulnerability. 

Twenty-year-old me wouldn’t even recognise me now as I sat at a table for two, lit by candles on the mother fucking beach in Hawaii. This was it I told myself, the last panic I would allow myself and it wasn’t even really panic it was my own self-doubt rearing its ugly head again, my last time fighting my feelings for Jaime because after this there would no longer be any doubt about Jaime’s place in my life. Taking a deep breath I got up from the table and left her sitting there watching me walk away from her, but not for good this time, I just needed to get some courage together.

I waited nervously by the edge of the water after sending them a quick message to say we were ready, wanting to hear them approach before Jaime heard them. I planned this evening meticulously around this next moment and all taking part in it had, had a run through in daylight earlier to try and ease the tension of how much I needed this to be perfect. Jaime had loved everything so far and it fucking thrilled me to see her so happy. I hear three sets of feet padding along the sand and walked back towards Jaime she looked like she had something to say about me being on my phone but as I whipped the blindfold out of my pocket, she wisely kept her thoughts to herself.

I pulled her up out of her seat and walked her forward a few steps before leaving her standing quietly as Archie, Sarah and Jack appeared from behind some palm trees. Archie went to yell and I quickly put my finger against my closed lips hoping he’d get my signal to be quiet and for once it works, he copies me and puts his finger against his lips.

Sarah takes him by the hand down to the area to the side we’d set up earlier, Jack gives me the thumbs up and I watch smiling as the three of them light the candles. It takes longer because Archie blows them out as soon as they have them all lit. Jack picks him up in the end and swings him up over his shoulders eliciting a giggle from my son before he realises and claps his little hand over his mouth.
Jaime’s head lifts at the sound to Archers direction and a smile plays on her lips, she knows her baby is here now.

I finger the ring box in my pocket willing myself not to fuck this up. Looking up at Sarah she gives me a smiling nod before pointing the camera on her phone at us, I would have loved the girls to have been here but at least they would get to watch it when we get back to Michigan.

Taking a deep breath I lean over to her taking her hand in mine and whisper in her ear “I could start fires with the things I feel for you Jaime” she trembles and I move away from her body, holding her hand at arms length, the most important thing I’ve ever written in my life about to come to life. I don’t feel nervous any more, peace blankets me.

“Jaime Prince, right in the middle of an already less than ordinary life, you gave me a fairy-tale! The first time I saw you my heart whispered to me ‘She’s the one‘ and I tried to fight it for months in vain. I love you Jaime! And that’s the beginning and ending of everything.”
Reaching over I pull her blindfold off and kneel in the sand in front of her, she gasps. “I wanted to ask you in front of your family Angel, I didn’t forget!” tears splash her cheeks as she smiles down at me before grinning over at Archie, Sarah and Jack.