Simon's P.O.V.
It took a few days for Josh to come right, seemingly, but even then he was still subdued and very quiet. Vikk noticed but once I told him that I had talked to him and it was stress he left it alone, telling me to make sure I was checking on him often because this wouldn't be the end of his burnout. I knew that too and made sure I took time out of my day to make sure he was getting rest and wasn't overworking himself.
It also didn't take me very long to realise that Josh still wasn't alright and no where near back to normal. He was getting videos out on time and to his schedule but they were poor quality and low energy to the point that the fans started questioning him and the Sidemen Sunday's were even worse- he would barely pay attention.
After a couple of weeks of attempting to find out what was wrong, checking on him and being worried about him, I just had to go and talk to him again. Something was still very wrong and despite the responsibilities I had taken on to allow him to have less, he was still acting weird, he was still burnt out.
"Josh?" I knocked lightly on his door, pushing it open when he mumbled out some reply. "Hey, I need to talk to you..."
He sighed but finally nodded, rubbing his eyes exhaustedly like a toddler. I sat down on his bed and patted it, reaching out to place my hand on top of his when he did finally sit down next to me.
"Why do we need to talk?" He mumbled, staring at me with tired eyes.
"Because I know something's still wrong and I'm worried about you Josh." I sighed. "You're still burnt out and the fans are noticing. Please, what's wrong?!"
"I- I don't really know." He said quietly, unable to look me in the eyes. He hung his head. "I'm still so burnt out even though I've barely done anything and I just.... I can't anymore!" It was the same outburst all over again, that he had had a few weeks earlier. "Simon I don't want to keep doing this. I can't keep doing this!"
He completely broke down after that, breaking into heaving sobs so heavy that my brain just... stopped. It took me a moment to kick into gear and when I finally did I wrapped my arms around him and squeezed him tight- but I was so scared. It was happening all over again and I didn't know what Josh wanted from me, what I could do to help him.
It took him quite a while to sob himself out, eventually just lying against my shoulder with his hands shaking. He was staring blankly across the ground but finally, finally, my instincts took over and told me what to do, how to comfort Josh.
I began with gentle touches, running my fingers up and down his arm or through his hair and from that he slowly began to relax, the tenseness leaving his muscles. Then I started whispering, meaningless mumbles just to tell him I was there, words that made no sense. He continued to relax and I felt a leap of hope that my actions were working, keeping up my gentle touches.
It didn't take long to finally confirm that yes, this was what he needed. He needed some time to relax, some time to not think about his responsibilities, some time to be... little. There was that thought again. Was that what he wanted? Did he want some time to not be a grown up? I had heard of the sub culture before but hadn't thought much of it, it was simply something I had come across and then moved on from.
Josh's breathing was slowing a lot, to the point where I thought he was almost asleep.
"Josh?" I whispered, stroking his hair. He blinked slowly and mumbled something that I didn't understand. "Do you want me to... do you want to..." I didn't know how to say it.
"Little." He quietly mumbled, the word barely heard. I understood what he meant.
"Okay then." I whispered back, lying back on his bed.
He had tensed up again but the moment I gave him my confirmation he basically pancaked on top of me, his head tucked into my neck. He didn't seem to want to talk after that, his thumb slowly crawling into his mouth until he was completely settled in my lap and his eyes were closed, looking so comfortable that I didn't want to move in case I woke him up.
Josh was passed out within a few minutes and I closed my eyes too, hoping to catch some dregs of sleep before he inevitably woke up later in the night.
I was conflicted, and so, so confused. This was a side of Josh I had never seen before and I didn't really know how to deal with it because I really wasn't able to be the adult either. I understood that this was something he needed, but I couldn't do it all the time, at least I didn't think I could.
With an uneasy heart I finally settled down, Josh still lying on top of me, my hand resting lightly on his head.
------------------------------------------------
Josh was half awake when I finally stirred the next morning, blinking awake to dim light. He looked a little better, a little less drawn and slightly more... there? I wasn't sure how to phrase it but he was definitely out of his little mindset because the second he saw me looking down at him he smiled and leaned back, stretching.
"Mornin'." He mumbled, bringing me back into reality.
"Hey Josh." I whispered back, stretching too. "You alright?"
"Yeah." He paused, looking away for a moment. "Just... thanks. I'm not sure how to explain it but... I really needed that."
"It's okay." I breathed, finally able to relax. He was back to normal, this was the Josh I knew and loved.
We lay there in a comfortable silence, my hand resting on his waist. He seemed a lot more relaxed now, more rested and far more calm and he didn't even have to say it to confirm that he was alright. He just looked so much better.
Finally Josh leaned over and rested his head lightly on my shoulder, closing his eyes again.
"Alright?" I asked, smiling down at him.
"Yeah." He breathed. "Much better."
